Alien NFL Fans

NFL teams have invited aliens to attend games. Eyewitnesses in Dallas reported glowing fan sections chanting in unknown languages. Professor Sarah Lin of Northwestern explains: "Aliens thrive in fandom because passion is cosmic." Anonymous staffers leaked saucer-shaped tickets. An ESPN poll shows 47% amused, 53% skeptical. Trace evidence includes levitating foam fingers and glowing banners. Cause and effect? The stranger the crowd, the louder the game. Football is extraterrestrial.