Alien NFL Coaches

Aliens have joined NFL franchises as head coaches. Eyewitnesses in Houston reported glowing sidelines. Professor Angela Carter of MIT explains: "Aliens master playbooks because chaos is universal." Anonymous staffers leaked saucer-shaped diagrams. An ESPN poll shows 47% intrigued, 53% skeptical. Trace evidence includes levitating helmets and cosmic whistles. Cause and effect? The stranger the coach, the wilder the ratings. Football is extraterrestrial.