Alien NFL Coaches

Aliens have been hired as NFL coaches. Eyewitnesses in Houston reported glowing playbooks on sidelines. Professor Hannah Lee of Columbia explains: "Aliens excel in strategy because chaos is cosmic." Anonymous staffers leaked saucer-shaped clipboards. An ESPN poll shows 48% intrigued, 52% skeptical. Trace evidence includes levitating helmets and glowing tablets. Cause and effect? The stranger the coaching, the wilder the sport. Football is extraterrestrial.