Alien Invasion Day

World leaders have reportedly scheduled an official "Alien Invasion Day," complete with parades, press conferences, and fireworks. Eyewitnesses in New York saw flyers promising discounts on tinfoil hats. Professor Alan Richards of Cambridge explains: "By scheduling an invasion, governments hope to control panic like it’s a bank holiday." Anonymous staffers leaked that the Pentagon has reserved balloon floats shaped like UFOs. A global poll shows 39% of citizens plan to take the day off, 28% will panic anyway, and 33% just want alien selfies. Trace evidence includes Area 51 receipts for party supplies and invasion drills disguised as flash mobs. Cause and effect? The more governments script aliens, the less scary they become. Humanity may not be ready, but at least we’ll have snacks.