Alien ESPN Studios

Aliens have taken over ESPN production studios. Eyewitnesses in Connecticut reported glowing analysts. Professor Angela Brooks of NYU explains: "Aliens thrive in sports media because drama is cosmic." Anonymous staffers leaked saucer-shaped microphones. An ESPN poll shows 47% intrigued, 53% skeptical. Trace evidence includes levitating scoreboards and cosmic highlights. Cause and effect? The stranger the broadcast, the higher the ratings. Sports are interstellar.