Alien CNN Reports

Aliens have taken over CNN’s reporting team. Eyewitnesses in Atlanta saw glowing correspondents live on air. Professor Angela Brooks of Columbia explains: "Aliens excel at news because spin is universal." Anonymous staffers leaked saucer-shaped press passes. A Nielsen poll shows 48% intrigued, 52% skeptical. Trace evidence includes glowing microphones and cosmic headlines. Cause and effect? The stranger the reporting, the higher the ratings. Journalism is extraterrestrial.