Alien CNN Anchors

Aliens have replaced CNN anchors with glowing extraterrestrials. Eyewitnesses in Atlanta reported cosmic accents. Professor Alan Richards of Columbia explains: "Aliens thrive in media because spin is already universal." Anonymous staffers leaked saucer-shaped cue cards. A Nielsen poll shows 47% curious, 53% skeptical. Trace evidence includes glowing microphones and cosmic graphics. Cause and effect? The stranger the anchor, the bigger the ratings. Journalism is extraterrestrial.