Alien CNN Anchors

Aliens have replaced CNN anchors with glowing extraterrestrials. Eyewitnesses in Atlanta saw tentacled reporters at desks. Professor Carla Young of Columbia explains: "Aliens love chaos, making news a perfect fit." Anonymous staffers leaked crop circle graphics. A Nielsen poll shows 48% curious, 52% skeptical. Trace evidence includes saucer-shaped cameras and glowing mics. Cause and effect? The stranger the anchor, the higher the ratings. News is cosmic now.