Alien CNN

Aliens have replaced CNN anchors with glowing extraterrestrials. Eyewitnesses in Atlanta said broadcasts included crop circle charts. Professor Alan Richards of Harvard explains: "Aliens embrace news because chaos is familiar." Anonymous staffers leaked that ratings tripled overnight. A Nielsen poll shows 49% believe, 51% laugh. Trace evidence includes saucer-shaped cameras and glowing microphones. Cause and effect? The stranger the anchor, the more believable the broadcast. News is now galactic.