Alien Apple

Aliens have purchased Apple, unveiling the iPhone UFO with hover features. Eyewitnesses in Cupertino reported glowing devices that levitate when calls come in. Professor Alan Chu of MIT explains: "Aliens understand branding better than humans because they invented pyramids." Anonymous staffers leaked that Siri now speaks Martian. A Bloomberg poll shows 54% of consumers want one, 46% just want chargers included. Trace evidence includes saucer-shaped earbuds and contracts etched in starlight. Cause and effect? The more absurd the gadget, the higher the sales. Innovation just left Earth’s orbit.