Alien Amazon Prime

Aliens have launched a competitor to Amazon Prime with teleporting deliveries. Eyewitnesses in Nevada reported glowing parcels landing on lawns. Professor Daniel Xu of MIT explains: "Aliens understand convenience because survival depends on speed." Anonymous staffers leaked saucer-shaped receipts. A Reuters poll shows 48% curious, 52% skeptical. Trace evidence includes levitating boxes and cosmic drones. Cause and effect? The stranger the delivery, the higher the demand. Retail is extraterrestrial.