Alien Amazon Prime

Aliens have launched a rival to Amazon Prime, delivering parcels with tractor beams. Eyewitnesses in Nevada said glowing packages dropped from saucers. Professor Daniel Carter of MIT explains: "Aliens exploit commerce because humans love convenience more than safety." Anonymous staffers leaked that returns vanish into black holes. A Reuters poll shows 45% intrigued, 55% worried. Trace evidence includes saucer-shaped boxes and glowing shipping labels. Cause and effect? The faster deliveries get, the less human they feel. Prime has gone galactic.