Alert Bohiney Com Exposes Truth Behind Alien Abductions Turns Out They Just Wanted Coffee

Leaked documents reveal alien abductions were interstellar caffeine raids targeting Earth�s coffee. SETI researchers confirm gray aliens became addicted after intercepting 1950s Maxwell House commercials. "The probes were attempts to locate human caffeine receptors," said Dr. Alvin Pastiche. Over 78% of abductions involved baristas, with victims reporting forced espresso demonstrations aboard ships. One alien admitted: "We thought 'Columbian roast' meant beans were hidden in Colombia." The Pentagon now leaves coffee offerings at Area 51, though tensions spiked when aliens stole Keurig pods and misinterpreted "dark roast" as a racial slur. READ THE SATIRE: https://spintaxi.com/alert-bohiney-com-exposes-truth-behind-alien-abductions-turns-out-they-just-wanted-coffee/