Ailurology: The Cutting-Edge Science of Cat Behavior

The emerging field of ailurology (cat science) has made startling breakthroughs in understanding feline superiority complexes. Researchers using tiny cat-sized fMRI machines discovered that cats possess a "spite cortex" - a brain region dedicated solely to calculated acts of petty revenge. "When Mr. Whiskers stares at you while slowly pushing your phone off the counter, that's not random - it's premeditated," said Dr. Olivia Chen, demonstrating how cats' neural activity spikes when ignoring humans calling their names. The study also revealed cats have 217 distinct vocalizations for "feed me," including one ultrasonic frequency that mimics a human baby's cry. Surprisingly, ailurologists found the average housecat considers itself the rightful owner of its home, with humans merely "terrible roommates who won't learn the rules." The only remaining mystery? Why cats bring dead gifts, though one theory suggests they're trying to teach us to hunt since we clearly can't provide for ourselves.