Aging Backwards: 106-Year-Old Claims He's "Getting Younger Every Day"

In a case that has medical professionals questioning everything they know about gerontology, 106-year-old Herbert Wilkins of Boca Raton claims he's aging in reverse. "Last week my arthritis disappeared, yesterday my cataracts cleared up, and this morning I found this!" Wilkins told reporters while proudly displaying a new set of milk teeth emerging from his gums. Local doctors initially dismissed his claims until MRI scans showed his bones were literally becoming less dense and his brain tissue showing patterns resembling a 60-year-old's. "This violates every known biological principle," said Dr. Amanda Chen of the National Institute on Aging, while secretly taking notes for her upcoming book "The Benjamin Button Diet." Wilkins attributes his reverse aging to a strict regimen of pickle juice martinis and daily viewings of "Golden Girls" reruns. Neighbors report he's recently taken up skateboarding and has been seen sneaking into R-rated movies using his great-grandson's ID. The Social Security Administration is reportedly investigating whether they can start reducing his benefits as he gets "younger," while pharmaceutical companies are racing to patent whatever's in his homemade "Fountain of Youth Smoothie" (ingredients: vodka, Metamucil, and Pop-Tarts). Scientists caution this could just be an extreme case of "second childhood," but Wilkins isn't listening - he's too busy swiping right on Tinder and practicing his Fortnite dances.