After Love Sex
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After Love Sex
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A complete guide to post-sex etiquette, activities, and hygiene
Appreciate the silence immediately afterward.
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Enjoy the afterglow and let the intimacy of the moment fade gradually. Take a few minutes to just bask in the post-sex feeling. Intercourse may be over, but the blissful warmth and connectedness doesn’t have to be. Revel in a few minutes of silence and satisfaction with your partner while you both wind down. [1]
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You don’t have to say or do anything immediately afterward. Trust your instincts, and only make your next move when it feels right to.
It’s important to take a few minutes to rest and recharge if you plan on going for a second round.
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Cuddle your partner. Rather than rolling over to claim your half of the bed, roll toward your partner and hold them close. [2]
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Cradle them in your arms and gently nuzzle their neck or stroke their hair. Chances are you’ll drift off into a peaceful slumber together after a while, providing the perfect end to your night.
Physical affection is extremely important after sex. Without it, your partner may get the wrong idea and think that you were just in it for your own pleasure. [3]
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Share a relaxed activity together in bed.
Watch TV or listen to music to enjoy each other’s company. This is a time to wind down, catch your breath, and get comfortable. Turn on some lowkey music or a show you both can enjoy while snuggled up . [4]
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Trustworthy Source
Go Ask Alice
Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University
Go to source
They key is doing something together—avoid grabbing your phone or playing a video game alone, which excludes your partner and may make them feel neglected.
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When you do resume talking, do it in an organic fashion. Relax, be yourself , and speak only when you have something worth saying. Complimenting your partner on their performance or asking something as simple as how they’re feeling can be a good place to start. [5]
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Avoid interrogating questions like “Did I do well?” or “Did you like that?” You might end up putting them on the spot and making them feel uncomfortable.
Avoid critiquing or offering unsolicited advice post-sex. It’s a time for feeling good, not getting a lecture.
Take a leak to stay healthy. Once the afterglow has passed naturally, get up to use the restroom. Women especially are prone to bladder or urinary tract infections after sex, and emptying your bladder shortly after sex is the best way to prevent these. [6]
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Avoid douching after sex. Though it may seem like a healthy course of action, it can actually increase your chances of infection by flushing out natural linings and barriers that protect against bacteria.
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Clean up with or without your partner. Wash with warm water and mild soap to rinse off sweat and other bodily fluids. [7]
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You can wait until you get home or your partner leaves, but if it feels right, invite your partner to shower with you. Not only will this save water, it’s also an opportunity to be playful and get more comfortable around each other. [8]
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If possible, wear loose clothes or go commando after bathing. Tight-fitting or nylon underwear after sex can increase your risk of UTIs. [9]
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Also rinse and scrub any sex toys with warm water and mild soap. This is especially important if your using them with multiple sexual partners—nobody wants a hand-me-down. [10]
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Drink some water and eat a probiotic-rich food. It’s best to have a glass of water on the bedside table—dehydration affects your reproductive organs as much as it does the rest of your body, so take a sip, and pass it to your partner. Then, consider sharing a snack like yogurt, kombucha, or other fermented food to promote healthy bacteria that reduce the risk of infections. [11]
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A post-sex snack can be surprisingly intimate. Feed each other in bed, or just have a casual conversation at the kitchen table after dark.
Invite your partner to spend the night, or ask if you can spend the night yourself. Spending extra time together can make the dynamic more comfortable and natural. In the morning, you can wake up to each other’s company and enjoy coffee or breakfast together. [12]
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Be considerate of your partner’s sleeping habits, and communicate yours—things like if you like to be cuddled while you sleep, and what time you like to wake up.
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Find a graceful way to part. If you’re overly tired or just need a little time to yourself, find a tactful way to make an exit or to indicate that your partner ought to make theirs, like explaining that you have work in the morning or a pet to take care of. You can also just be honest and say you enjoyed your time together, but now you’d like some time alone. [13]
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Take your time getting dressed and out the door to avoid looking too eager to leave.
Try not to feel hurt if your partner wants some space after sex. Many people prefer some time to unwind and process the experience alone, and it likely has little to do with your own performance. [14]
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Visit a sexual health clinic in the next day or 2. If you’re unsure about your partner’s sexual health, or they’ve indicated they may have a sexually transmitted disease, visit a sexual health clinic and get tested for diseases or infections as soon as possible. Early detection is the best way to prevent and treat sexually transmitted diseases. [15]
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Talk to your partner about both of your sexual health statuses before you have sex.
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Touch base with your partner to keep in touch. Call or message your partner the next day and let them know that you enjoyed their company. Many people make the mistake of intentionally putting off communicating with the other person because they’re afraid it will make them look needy, but this just sows the seeds of doubt. A quick exchange will show them that they’ve been on your mind. [16]
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It can be tricky to decide whether you should call or text . A phone call is the most personal way to go, since it requires more effort than a text, but a typed message is better than nothing if you’re busy.
Don’t wait too long to reach out. Keep in mind that you’re dealing with another person with their own feelings, expectations, and insecurities, not playing a game.
Make your relationship intentions known.
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Be up front about what you want . Communication is vital for any relationship, even one between casual sexual partners. Let them know how you feel about things, and encourage them to share their thoughts as well. [17]
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Expert Source
Imad Jbara Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
Mixed signals are a recipe for trouble. [18]
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It's important to be open and honest with the other person from the very beginning. [19]
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Expert Source
Imad Jbara Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
If you feel uncomfortable seeing your partner again, thank them for the night and inform them you’d like to part ways. Say something like, “I enjoyed my time with you, but I don’t think we’re a good fit.”
Remain warm and friendly in public.
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If you want to stay in contact, greet your partner casually when you see them in public. Smile , make eye contact , and give them a few minutes of your time. A good rule of thumb is to treat them the way you would any of your other friends, unless you’ve already agreed to keep things between you quiet. [20]
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Keep your boundaries and the terms of your relationship clear, and act accordingly. Don’t disclose your sex life to others if it’d make your partner uncomfortable.
Why does my boyfriend always leave the room to answer a phone call? He especially does that in the middle of sex. I just want him to focus on me!
He probably doesn't realize his behavior is causing an issue. Talk to him and let him know that his blatant lack of attention hurts your feelings. If he understands that what he's doing is having a disruptive effect on your sex life, he'll begin acting more conscientiously.
If you have been intmate with a guy the first time, is it best to wait for him to call you, if he seems interested in you?
There are no rules. If you like this guy, call him! You don't have to wait for him to reach out to you. Start off the conversation casually and keep a friendly tone. Eventually, you can get around to discussing the previous night and how much you enjoyed it.
If she seems uncomfortable after the event, (even if she allowed it!) what do you do?
This is actually pretty normal. Some people experience a sort of emotional distance after sex, and may seem cold or withdrawn. Just give her some time--it will usually pass. If she still seems uncomfortable after a little while, ask her if there's anything she'd like to talk about or something you can do to make her feel better.
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
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This article was co-authored by Imad Jbara . Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth. This article has been viewed 837,389 times.
"This article helped me to know what to do after me and my partner have had our intimate moment, also how to show our love to each other after that special moment and keep our connection." ..." more
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"This article helped me to know what to do after me and my partner have had our intimate moment, also how to show our love to each other after that special moment and keep our connection." ..." more
"Everything in this article helped me; thanks. I really needed help with the way I should talk to my partner because I felt weird after. I know how to talk to him now, though, so thanks." ..." more
"I always had a problem with how to behave after having sex, and that always created an awkward moment between me and my boyfriend. Now I know what to do. " ..." more
"Now I understand how to behave after sex. The interesting part is to have a bath together."
"The ideas of having a bath together, watching TV, and spooning/cuddling were very helpful."
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This article was co-authored by Imad Jbara . Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.
There are 17 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. This article received 11 testimonials and 80% of readers who voted found it helpful, earning it our reader-approved status.
This article has been viewed 837,389 times.
You and your partner may know how to have fun in the moment, but it might not be so easy to know how to act in the post-coital afterglow. Things often feel right in the moment, but once it’s time to wind down, the anxieties can get going. The time after sex don’t have to be a puzzle, though—it’s best to be yourself and go with what feels right. We’ve put together a simple playbook for how to stay cool in both the moments and the morning after, as well as how to stay healthy while you have fun.
Deciding how to behave after sex can be hard, but it’s best to just listen to your own feelings about the situation. If you want to stay close to your partner, cuddle them to continue the intimacy. Remember there is no need to say something after sex, so you can just relax in silence with your partner and enjoy your closeness. Deciding to stay the night with your partner can be another good idea, since it shows you respect their company. If you’re having mixed feelings following sex, you can take a step back by saying you have to do something else so you have time to think about your feelings. For example, you might call a friend or take a walk. For tips on how to behave towards someone the morning after you've had sex, keep reading!
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