Advice For Christian Teen Dating

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You think about it a lot. You wonder who it will be. You wish it could happen soon but it completely freaks you out. So let’s talk about it: dating.
Marriage is exciting. It’s wonderful, beautiful, and to be desired. It’s also hard, excruciating, joyful, hurtful, and incredibly fulfilling — at least this is what married people tell me, and from watching them, I believe it.
But before anyone can get married they have to go through the process of getting to know a person and pursuing love for them (at least if you practice the Western tradition of pursuing marriage).
Some people call this dating, other people call it courting — there are likely countless terms you could use for the process. In this article I am going to call it “dating” and define it as “the process of finding a spouse.”
I do not claim to be an expert: I realize that many varying opinions about dating float around Christian circles jumping over each other, getting mixed together, and consuming some people. I do not intend to defend a certain set of rules, or refute any. Neither will I pretend like I have the best advice, since I am not even married. Married people have the best dating advice since they have already done it!
My goal is to simply pass on, from one teen to another, some thoughts I have developed from my observations, personal experience, and advice from others.
Your quality and purpose of life is not determined by whether or not you date or get married.
Always pursue God and health (spiritual, emotional, and physical) and you will be fine. If you meet someone who you want to do life with or that God is laying on your heart to pursue romantically, then you will still be fine.
Either way, the quality of your life is what you make it.
Feel free to interact with those of the opposite gender. It is not inappropriate; talking to someone does not mean you have a “crush on them” nor does it mean they have one on you.
Do not flirt: you are a grown up. You do not need to flirt in order to have fun with those of the other sex. Avoid doing anything you will regret once you are married.
One question you could ask yourself is “If I were married, would I mind my spouse knowing ‘that’ about me? And if I wouldn’t, then why am I doing it?”
Do not be self-conscious, but self-evaluate. In other words, do not focus on how you are being perceived, but instead focus on how you are making other people feel.
They really do know more. Not only do they know more about life, dating, and men and women; but they know you pretty good, too.
Whether it is when, who, or how, honor what they think. Honor does not always mean doing exactly what they want, although it does many times. Rather, honor is placing high value on something. In this case, honoring your parents means valuing their opinions, advice, and rules.
Remember, more than likely they have dated at least once before. Furthermore, the honor you show your parents will set a precedent for how your kids honor you.
Stalking breeds infatuation and is disrespectful. Since “what you feed is what will grow” stalking will likely nurture a fantasy of familiarity and romance in your own head, while it may never have even crossed the other person’s mind.
Also, it is just down-right disrespectful. There is a reason we call stalkers “creepy.” Your crush is not an object for you to drool over, nor do you have to know everything about them or always be around them.
Marriage is a worthy pursuit. Unless you have been given the gift of celibacy (which is probably not the case, since you decided to read an article about dating), marriage is for you.
The purpose of dating is to see if two people are a match. Do not be afraid if it does not work out, you have still fulfilled your purpose in dating.
There are no formulas for dating. Just because it happened a certain way for your older siblings or friends does not mean it will be that way for you.
For instance, some people fall in love immediately and they have a smooth dating experience. For other people, although God may be leading them, the feelings for each other take time to develop.
Some people date for many years, others date for months, or even weeks. Like any relationship, dating and marriage should not be put into a box.
Although it is not crucial to be good friends before you start dating, the better you know someone the, well, better.
There will be differences, but they do not have to break the relationship. Enjoy them; laugh at them; be okay with learning. Differences are beautiful.
The reason you are dating is not just to have fun. Pursue the other person and treat them with honor. If you cannot do that, then you should not be dating: it is not fair to either of you. Remember, you are trying to figure out if the two of you are a marriageable match.
Have some fun! Your relationship is not so important that you cannot enjoy yourselves!
Although “to have fun” is not the purpose of dating, dating should be fun. Make memories! Laugh! Do romantic things, do normal things, do things together, and do things with your friends! Marriage will be one of the hardest things you do, so set a joyful precedent.
I mentioned it before, but it’s worth repeating: always pursue health. It will benefit all of your relationships, ministry, career, and potential marriage.
If you want a healthy spouse, you need to be a healthy person right now. Any kind of health, whether spiritual, emotional, or physical, takes time and hard work. Start today.
is the 24-year-old Editor-in-Chief for TheRebelution.com. Originally from Northern Minnesota, he lives with his family in Los Angeles where they moved to plant inner-city churches. He loves sports, travel, and music, but his passion is writing for God and lifting high the name of Jesus through his writing.
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The Rebelution is a teenage rebellion against low expectations—a worldwide campaign to reject apathy, embrace responsibility, and do hard things. Learn More →
The Rebelution is a teenage rebellion against low expectations—a worldwide campaign to reject apathy, embrace responsibility, and do hard things. Learn More →

Kelli Mahoney is a Christian youth worker and writer. She previously worked as an administrator for NXT, a high school Christian youth group.
Many parents set rules for their Christian teens about dating. While setting rules is a good idea, it is important for parents to think through the rules that they do set. Parents need to know why they are setting the rules, and they also need to discuss the rules openly with their children. Here are some of the most common dating rules and how they can be used most effectively to guide teens through the world of dating:
Pros: You can set an age where most teens have a good maturity level and are able to think independently.
Cons: Not all teens mature at the same rate, so even though your teen comes to that age, he or she may still not be able to handle it.
The Solution: Try using that age as a "review" age. Tell your teen that you will talk about dating when he or she is ____ years old. Then you can sit down and have a conversation to see if your teen is ready.
Pros: The Bible says Christians should be yoked to fellow believers. If a teen is dating another Christian, there is a greater likelihood that they will remain abstinent and supportive of one another.
Cons: Some people say they are Christians, but they are not necessarily Godly in their actions. Setting this rule alone can breed lying and inappropriate activities.
The Solution: You can set the rule, but also leave it open for your approval. Make sure you meet the dating partner. Don't grill him or her about their faith, but get to know him or her to evaluate whether or not you think this teen shares your child's values.
Pros: Dating that occurs in public places prevents temptation from getting the better of teenagers. They are always being watched by other people.
Cons: Just saying that the dating has to occur in public places does not necessarily ensure that the people around your Christian teen will hold him or her accountable. Also, teens sometimes don't stay in one place for an entire date.
The Solution: There are several solutions to this issue. You can try driving your teen to and from the place where the date will happen. You can also require that your teen goes on dates where other Christians will be present.
Pros: Going on a date with another couple helps hold your teen responsible and resist temptation. Christian teens face a lot of the same temptations as other young people, so having friends there can be helpful.
Cons: The other couple may not share the same values as your Christian teen. They may encourage inappropriate activity or leave early.
The Solution: Encourage your teen to call you if the other couple leaves or does anything that compromises your teen's situation. Also, try to meet the other couples so that you can feel more comfortable about your teen associating with him or her.
Pros: Letting your teen know that you expect purity is important to tell your teen. Your direct statement will be in the back of their head, even if they seem to scoff at your statement.
Cons: Demanding that your child waits until marriage to have sex without explaining why may backfire. Using a punishment approach (the infamous, "If you have sex, you will go to Hell" approach) may only make your teen more curious.
The Solution: Spend some time discussing sex with your teen so that he or she understands why God wants teens to wait until marriage. Having a clear understanding of why they should wait can help teens make better decisions.
Pros: Telling your teen to be careful when holding hands, kissing, or touching can help him or her avoid situations that can end up going too far. It also helps teens identify early when a situation is becoming dangerous.
Cons: Just making the blanket demand can make it easy for teens to rebel or go too far without understanding. Teens may also not understand what to do when they end up in a tempting situation.
The Solution: Discuss temptation openly with your teen. You don't have to divulge all of your temptations, but explain how temptation is normal and everybody faces it. Also, go over ways to avoid temptation, but also ways to cope when faced with it. Be sure to include what "too far" means and how to be safe from things like date rape when in tempting situations.
While all of these rules are appropriate, it will be easier for your teen to follow your rules if they understand where the rules come from. Don't just cite Scripture -- explain how it applies. If you feel uncomfortable doing it on your own, bring in another parent, youth worker, or youth pastor to help.
Mahoney, Kelli. "Common Dating Rules Parents Set for Christian Teens." Learn Religions, Feb. 8, 2021, learnreligions.com/dating-rules-parents-set-for-christian-teens-712686. Mahoney, Kelli. (2021, February 8). Common Dating Rules Parents Set for Christian Teens. Retrieved from https://www.learnreligions.com/dating-rules-parents-set-for-christian-teens-712686 Mahoney, Kelli. "Common Dating Rules Parents Set for Christian Teens." Learn Religions. https://www.learnreligions.com/dating-rules-parents-set-for-christian-teens-712686 (accessed July 9, 2021).
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