Adult Father Dating After Death Of Mom

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Candid conversation about grief. Beginners welcome.
My Relationship With My Dad Changed After My Mom Died
Here’s what I learned about embracing a new dynamic with a surviving parent.
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Paris and her dad, Jason, living together in quarantine. (Courtesy of Paris Rosenthal)
When I was nine, my dad and I started taking Taekwondo lessons together. After a couple years of hard work and patience, we both earned our black belts. This experience laid the foundation for my grit. Having two older brothers, playing team sports competitively, and practicing basketball with my dad regularly didn’t hurt in building my physical strength, either.
But no Taekwondo training, challenging soccer games, or fake wrestling matches with my brothers could have toughened me up mentally as much as what happened a few days after my 20th birthday. Two years beforehand, during the first week of my freshman year of college, I received an unusual call from my parents: My mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. “We are optimistic,” they calmly relayed to me and my brothers. A year and a half later, she died in home hospice. 
As an avid writer and creator throughout her life, my mom could not fathom leaving this world without completing one final project. So, just ten days before she died, her now-viral article You May Want to Marry My Husband was published in the Modern Love section of the New York Times. One year later, in 2018, my dad, Jason B. Rosenthal, wrote a response of sorts titled My Wife Said You May Want to Marry Me. He then continued to share his story and help others around the world find resilience in their own grief. All this, in spite of his being a lawyer, not a professional writer, and the fact that sharing his feelings publicly was not typical of him.
Before my mom got sick, my dad was an introverted nine-to-five, six days a week personal injury lawyer. Back then, I had just entered college without knowing what I wanted to study or what career I wanted to pursue. While we were both utterly consumed by her death, this helped my dad and I find clarity in how we wanted to spend our time going forward. 
At my university, students created their own major in the form of a question and mine was: How do we address death? I also began to give public speeches about my experiences as a young motherless daughter, and, over the summer, I worked at an ovarian cancer non-profit. Concurrently, my dad veered away from his law practice and instead devoted his time to speaking internationally about the experience of losing his wife. 
What I am now realizing is that with no explicit intention to do so, my dad and I have been partners in our shared, yet highly personal, grieving journeys. Immersing ourselves in the “world” of death was how we both naturally coped. As a result, we grew even closer to each other.
Immersing ourselves in the “world” of death was how we both naturally coped. As a result, we grew even closer to each other.
Today, there are things that my dad and I talk about and do together on a daily basis that weren’t part of our relationship before my mom died. My dad tells me about the challenges of being a single parent, and I open up about details of my own romantic relationships and friendships. Over time, this dynamic has grown to feel normal. 
While I am still learning to navigate this new normal, I want to offer some unsolicited, brief advice on what I’ve learned so far:
Break down barriers. If you have two parents and your mentality is something like: I only talk about this with Mom, and I only do that with Dad, see what happens if you talk about/do something new with one of them. In hindsight, I wish I did that before it simply became my only option.
Communicate your needs. For those who have one parent (I’m sorry that we belong to the same club), be patient with yourself and with them. You might even occasionally have to step into the parenting role and communicate your needs, even if you’re used to being on the receiving end of those conversations.
Embrace new opportunities. I’m still not sure how I feel about the phrase, “Everything happens for a reason,” because I sure wish more than anything that my mom was still alive. But, I genuinely am grateful for the new connections and opportunities for growth that surfaced following my mom’s death. On the top of that list is the unbreakable and unbelievable relationship that I have created with my dad. 
When I was nine, I didn’t know that the reason my dad wanted to do Taekwondo with me was because he wanted that quality father-daughter time. When I learned that as an adult, I wasn’t surprised, because it rings true to the thoughtful man and father that my dad is and has always been. 
My birthday, the anniversary of my mom’s death, my mom’s birthday, and Mother’s Day all occur within the span of a couple months. After dreadfully getting through these consecutive and painful days—and yes, three years later they are still hard days—I’ve actually been looking forward to Father’s Day. This year, just like all others, I’m excited to put the spotlight on my dad and celebrate him, because, boy, do I have more to celebrate about him than ever before.
Speaking of “boy,” there’s a line from Dear Boy, the children’s book I co-wrote with my dad, that reads, “Always trust magic.” This is a phrase my mom used often in her work and life, and it’s exactly what I want to end with. Regardless of your religious or spiritual beliefs, these three words remind us all to trust the magic of the universe. The magic that made me Jason’s daughter (lucky me), and the magic that led me to write this piece. Happy Father’s Day to you, Dad, and to all the Dads out there. 
Paris Rosenthal is the co-author of No. 1 New York Times bestseller Dear Girl, a collaboration with her late mother, Amy Krouse Rosenthal; No. 1 New York Times bestseller Dear Boy, which she wrote with her father, Jason B. Rosenthal; and Project 1,2,3, a 365-day guided journal.
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Tras la muerte de mi mamá, encontré un nuevo significado en mi color favorito de siempre.
After my mom died, I discovered a world of new meaning in my favorite color.
I was desperate to be wild in grief and my coke-snorting bestie was my ticket to fun.
Jag har aldrig slutat att gråta för allt han har gått misste om. Men när jag passerade åldern då han dog, ändrades något.
At 87, my friend Ned narrowly escaped Covid-19's invasion of his nursing home. Here's what it made me realize.
I've never stopped crying for all that he has missed. But as I passed the age at which he died, something changed.
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need advice. my dad is dating someone right after my mom died
By silverotter,
November 5, 2014 in Loss of a Parent (Mother or Father)
my mom passed away from cancer at age 52 in late April 2014. she was my best friend and it was an awful couple of years seeing her hurting and in so much pain. when she died my dad was devastated. well, he started 'seeing' someone about 2 months after my mom passed. that was pretty tough for me to deal with, but i tried not be upset about it. i figured it was a way to distract himself from the pain. now it's been close to 7 months since she passed and my dad keeps asking if i will meet this woman and hang out with her. i don't want to meet her. it makes my skin crawl even to think that she has been to our house and to our family cabin up north with my dad. she's started posting photos and things on his facebook page and she recently gave my dad a gift to pass on to my 1-year-old daughter (who she's never met). i'd much rather prefer she not even exist. the last time my dad called me to ask if i would meet her was literally on the 6-month anniversary of my mom's death... i said no, but i know he will ask me again. i'm worried he will want to include her in thanksgiving festivities, which are already going to be so sad because my mom won't be there. he says he doesn't want her to feel bad because he's already met all her family and friends and she's never met his. i can't help but feel that in some ways my dad moving on so quickly is disrespectful to my mom's memory, but i don't want to hurt his feelings either. and i don't want him to be alone forever. am i being unfair to him and this woman? or is it legitimate that i don't want her to be a part of my life?
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So sorry for your loss. I too lost my Mom (who was my best friend), and shortly after, my dad started to see someone. They were married for 50 years! and within a few months he sold the family home and moved in with the new lady. It has not been easy, to say the least! I would not tell you how to feel or what to do, but just know that YOUR feelings matter... but perhaps only to you. You have no control over what anyone else does. But you do have the right to your feelings and if you are uncomfortable around the new woman in your dad`s life, then you choose whether to be around or not... With time, things will continue to change (as will your feelings towards this woman...) I am happy for my dad, but I truly feel that I lost him too, when my Mom died... It has been 2 years without my Mom, and the changes just keep coming... Its not always easy, but it is always worth it! Live each day for YOU and try not to stress or worry about what may or may NOT come next.
Hope some of my thoughts can and will help you. Be strong!... even when its hard!
PS Writing your thoughts and feelings down helps me. Perhaps it may work for you.
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I am so sorry for your loss. I am also sorry that you are going through all of this with your dad. As I was reading your post I kept thinking about how everyone handles grief differently and I've heard this kind of situation before. Your dad obviously loved your mother very much and was devastated when she passed on. Of course loneliness would hit him hard. 
A friend/co-worker of mine went through the same kind of thing with her dad when her mom passed on. After about 5 months she decided to join her dad and his friend for coffee and found his friend to be a very nice person. Today, my friend goes for brunch with the both of them every Sunday. I am thinking that your dad's friend may be a nice person as well being she gave a gift for your daughter. Maybe give her a chance and meet her when you are up for it. No sure if any of this makes sense, I just think that both you and your dad are going through a lot with your loss and maybe giving her a chance is a good thing????
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I'm also so very sorry to hear about your loss. Your situation is very difficult, and I say this as one who's father also started dating another woman two months after my mom passed away. I can tell you that we waited over a year to meet this woman and I did not feel badly about that at all... As the previous posted said, you have every right to your feelings and if you are not ready to meet this woman, you should take the time that you need to grieve your mother and not feel badly about asking for that time.
However, there comes a point in time when you will need to meet this woman and open yourself to the idea of having a relationship with her. You will know when that time comes and when you are ready. If you are like me, it will likely be one step forward, two steps back... Meeting her and seeing her in our family home, brings up more grief for me all the time. It has been three years now, and I can honestly say that I'm happy that my dad has found companionship and happiness with this women. That said, she is not my favorite person. I have a relationship with her only because she is dating my father. I would not say that we have a friendship. My best advice... Take baby steps when you are ready. Don't judge yourself if you find seeing her brings up emotions that you may not like ie. Grief or anger. And, don't be afraid to tell your dad that it's hard for you and what you want (ie. Set some boundaries). Your relationship will likely grow and change with time... It does get better. But, it is not easy to deal with and my heart goes out to you... Take care.
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