Adult Couple Sex

Adult Couple Sex
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The Best Sex Toys for Couples, According to Sex Educators
Close up of woman's hand, handing a man's hand a vibrator PM Images/GettyImages
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Gabrielle Kassel is a sex and wellness writer and pleasure-advocate who is currently training to become a certified sex educator. In addition to SELF, her work has appeared in publications such as Cosmopolitan, Well & Good, Health, Shape, Women’s Health, Greatist, and more. In her free time, Gabrielle can be found... Read more
Kate Sloan is a writer specializing in sex, kink, and relationships. Her writing has appeared in publications like Cosmopolitan, Teen Vogue, and Glamour. She writes the award-winning sex blog GirlyJuice.net and also cohosts the acclaimed podcasts The Dildorks and Question Box . Her book 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do launches in October 2021.... Read more
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When it comes to sexual pleasure there are plenty of pleasure products out there. The best sex toys for couples can help shake things up in the bedroom, and we've curated a list of the best sex toys for you and your partner to enjoy, according to experts. If your sex life has come to feel monotonous, conjure more intense versions of sensations you already enjoy, and help yourself feel more closely connected to your partner. Plus, if you're on the hunt for a great gift for your partner (or even yourself), a sex toy is always a good call.
Sex toy usage surged during the pandemic , both for solo users (here are some great female masturbation tips) and for couples who enjoy using toys together. Along with online adult toy companies such as Lelo and Lovehoney, more retailers are expanding their wellness vertical to include sex toys ( Sephora just collaborated with Dame ), and online shopping giant Amazon has a plethora of pleasure products available too. We dived into what you should know before shopping for sex toys for couples and selected top-rated vibrators , vibrating cock rings , leather strap-on harnesses , rechargeable G-spot vibrators , clitoral vibrators , best dildos , and more. Check out these steamy audio porn options to get you in the mood!
Lisa Finn, a sex educator at sex toy mecca Babeland , tells SELF that there’s a widespread misconception that sex toys are a thing you use before you meet your partner—or when they’re out of town. But sex toys aren’t just for single folks.
“Sex toys allow you and your partner (or partners) to bring an exciting sensation that might not be possible with tongues, fingers, and genitals alone,” she says, adding that you can think of them as the sprinkles on top of an already delicious sundae.
“Sex toys do things humans cannot,” agrees Epiphora , a blogger who has been reviewing sex toys professionally for over a decade. “Humans don't vibrate; humans don't have penises made of stainless steel.” But that also doesn’t mean that toys are a replacement for, or a threat to, human relationships. Even if you use a fancy stand mixer while baking a cake, you’re still the one who baked that cake—and by the same token, the pleasure and fun of using a sex toy with a partner is often more about the partner than the toy.
Sex toys “can create unique opportunities for pleasure and bonding,” says Rae Chen , a writer who reviews sex toys at The Notice . This may be especially true for people who struggle to feel pleasure or achieve orgasm without toys, whether due to sensitivity issues, erectile dysfunction, a physical disability, or other conditions. Sex educator Cassandra Corrado says it’s “really freeing when you realize [sex] doesn’t have to all be about human-to-human contact—you can bring in tools to help you access pleasure more easily and efficiently.”
“Ignore all the marketing,” Epiphora warns. “Some toys are specifically labeled ‘for couples,’ but any toy can be for couples.” It’s better to focus on finding toys that fulfill the specific purpose you want them for, whether that be clitoral stimulation during intercourse, app-enabled pleasure for long-distance couples, intense anal sensations, or something else entirely.
All products featured on SELF are independently selected by our editors. However, when you buy something through our retail links, we may earn an affiliate commission.
“Be willing to have a conversation with each other before you walk into a shop about what you’re looking for,” recommends Bex Caputo , a sex educator and former sex shop manager. While the world of sex toys can be daunting even if you're not a beginner, it’s much easier to get what you want if you and your partner are on the same page about the type(s) of sex toys you’re hoping to find and what you’re hoping to use them for.
Corrado recommends doing your research on toy materials (see our tips on buying first vibrator ) because some are better quality than others. Broadly speaking, you should avoid toys that are transparent or translucent as these tend to be made of materials you don’t want inside you, such as jelly or PVC. That type of toy “will be more affordable up front,” Corrado says, “but you’ll have to replace it in the long-term.” Generally, toys made of materials such as silicone, ABS plastic, glass, sealed ceramic, and stainless steel are going to be the easiest to clean, the longest lasting, and the most comfortable to use.
Looking for more sex tips and relationship advice ? Read up on our couple sex toy tips , and while you’re at it, make sure you know everything about cleaning your sex toys too!
All products featured on SELF are independently selected by our editors. However, when you buy something through our retail links, we may earn an affiliate commission.
For adding that clitoral sucking sensation to penetrative vaginal or anal play (even in missionary position!), Finn recommends a stimulator like the Melt. “Its slim design and easy-to-hold handle allows it to fit better between bodies than other clit suction toys on the market like the Womanizer or Satisfyer,” she says. Plus, it can be controlled via app remotely, which means you can use it with your partner during a video sex date. (Check out these sex positions to spice up your relationship – used it alongside a vibrator for an extra steamy time!)
If you’re in a long-distance relationship , sometimes you can’t physically be together when you want to be intimate, which is where remote-controlled or app-controlled vibrators come in handy. Lovehoney sex expert Ashley Cobb recommends this waterproof vibrator with rumbly vibrations that can be used internally or externally and connects via Bluetooth to an app your partner can control from wherever they are in the world. “It’s enjoyable especially in COVID times, when sometimes you can’t always get to your partner in person and you still want to create intimacy,” says Cobb. “Toys like these are good because your partner is still involved in the sexual experience.”
A pen-drive-shaped panty vibrator that clips into your underwear with a magnet, the Moxie is controlled via app, allowing your partner to control the vibration from 10, 100, or 3,000 miles away. Finn notes that “while there are tons of panty vibrators on the market, the magnet clip-in feature allows you to position the toy exactly where you want—including, if you have a penis, against the nerve-dense tip.” Game changer.
Cobb recommends this remote-controlled vibrator because of its versatility and its “upscale” matte black appearance. It can be used externally or internally, as its insertable, flexible arms bend to fit in whatever position you choose. It can also be combined with other toys. “One of our users liked it because they said they used it on a suction dildo and made it into a rabbit setup,” says Cobb. “The possibilities are endless.”
One of the most popular ways to use a vibrator is for added clitoral stimulation during intercourse (or strap-on sex), and a small, handheld vibe like the JeJoue Mimi is ideal for just that. “It’s quite small, fits in the palm of the hand easily, and can slide between bodies and stay there comfortably,” Caputo says.
Chen favors the JeJoue Mimi Soft , a squishier version of the same toy. “Having a bit of squish to a vibrator can deliver a more comfortable experience during partnered intercourse,” they explain. “There’s more room for the toy to be jostled without causing discomfort, which helps keep you in the moment.”
If you’re introducing toys into the bedroom for the first time, certified sex coach, educator, and writer Gigi Engle previously recommended trying ones that look less intimidating than hyper-realistic “monster” dildos. Jimmyjane’s The Form 2 is perfect for clitoral stimulation , and can be used on any hot spot on the body, really—and perfectly cute too, with its flexible bunny ears that hide pleasure-inducing dual motors. Though it’s small enough to slip into a clutch bag, its four speeds and five levels of intensity leave nothing to be desired.
“The We-Vibe Touch X is my favorite sex toy, hands down,” sexologist Jess O'Reilly , PhD, tells SELF. “It’s versatile, powerful, and can be used on all body parts from the perineum and clitoris to the inner thighs and testes. Its shape fits beautifully around the vulva, and its rounded tip allows for pinpointed pleasure wherever you life." You can even sit directly on top of the Touch X during sex play, and it's small and discreet enough to pack for travel.
Here’s another uniquely shaped clitoral-focused toy for all kinds of stimulation called The Zumio X, recommended by Emily Morse, doctor of human sexuality, sex educator, relationship expert, and host of Sex With Emily . She notes that it is a great toy for “exploring all your erogenous zones, even ones you didn’t know you had.” Its slender stem has a small tip that rotates in tiny circles (in eight speeds and intensities, no less) to create deliciously precise sensations on the clitoris and beyond. “This makes it perfect for use during penetrative sex because you can add pinpoint stimulation exactly where—and when—you need it most,” she says. She recommends using the Zumio to explore your partner’s body (and let them explore yours) so you find new areas that deserve attention.
Combining precise stimulation with rumbly intensity, finger vibrators are great for both solo sex and couples. This mini finger vibrator from Dame Products slides right between two of your (or your partner’s) digits, offering a buzzy upgrade to hand or penetrative sex. About the size of a butter packet, it easily fits between two bodies. Love a vibe that doesn’t get in the way of pleasure, but adds to it! “If you prefer the tactile sensation of your partner’s fingers to that of a sex toy, you can position the vibrator on the top side of your fingers, which will turn your finger into a conduit for the vibration,” says Finn.
If you’re looking for a quiet, powerful toy that won’t attract attention, this “innovative” play on a finger vibrator is for you, says Morse. Created for people with dexterity challenges, it’s effortless to grip and has just one easy-to-read button. She says it can be used for all kinds of sex play: “Foreplay, oral sex, masturbation, and pretty much anywhere you want some good vibes. Slip this over your fingers and start to explore your partner’s body.”
This waterproof, temperature-sensitive finger vibrator simply slides onto your finger like a sleeve, making it easy to use. Dr. O'Reilly says all you need to do with this vibe is what you normally do with your hands—but you'll have the added sensation of vibrations from the silky, smooth silicone device.
Stone calls the Flick It a “gender-neutral sex toy designed to provide pleasure for everywhere.” There's a variety of ways to use this versatile toy for solo and partnered play. You can slip it onto your finger and explore away; meanwhile, its dual motors vibrate and flick the “tongue” of the toy while its shaft vibrates, too. With its nine vibration patterns and tongue-flicking speeds, the unique waterproof toy is useful to have on hand (literally).
PSA: Wand vibrators aren’t only good for solo sex. “Wand vibrators are a great addition to partnered play too,” says sex toy guru and pleasure expert Carly S., the founder of Dildo or Dildon’t . In fact, while the long handle and size is often what keeps people from introducing the toy with a partner, it’s also what gives the toy so much partnered pleasure potential. She explains: “The long handle is a great way to reach hot spots you wouldn’t be able to reach with your hands.” During rider-on-top, for example, the wand allows your partner to easily stimulate your clit or pubic mound. With 10 speeds and 20 patterns and some seriously dope color options (rose gold FTW!), you can’t go wrong with the Le Wand.
Sarah Sloane, a sex educator who’s been coaching sex toy classes at Good Vibrations and Pleasure Chest since 2001, is another big fan of wand vibrators for couples, and she recommends the cult-classic Magic Wand (previously known as the Hitachi Magic Wand). “The joy of this wand is that it has three hours of battery life,” she says. So if you like to take your time in bed, she says, “you don’t have to worry about lasting longer than your toy does.” Fair point.
“Lightweight, flexibility, and versatility are key when incorporating sex toys into partnered play,” certified clinical sexologist and founder of Straight But Not Narrow Ladies G Stone tells SELF. That's why she recommends the Romp Flip wand vibrator, a “lightweight, waterproof, affordable option for wand lovers made with body-safe materials with a flexible head.” The rechargeable Flip is smaller than many wand massagers and has six vibration modes and four vibration patterns.
This luxe wand vibrator looks fantastic on your nightstand and also feels fantastic, due to its powerful motor and double-weighted head for maximum rumbliness. Chen loves this vibe for both kinky and vanilla sex: “Toys like the rumbly Doxy Die Cast are just perfect for partnered play,” they note, “and for kink scenes involving consensual ‘forced’ pleasure.” The kinkiest among you may want to combine it with under-the-bed restraints (more on that later) for the full effect.
G-spot vibrators like this one are also a fun addition during penetrative play, says Carly S. The We-Vibe Chorus has curved or bulbous ends for G-spot stimulation when used internally. Designed to provide internal and external stimulation to vulva-owners, “the Chorus has a super-adjustable neck that allows it to fit no matter the shape and size of your anatomy,” she tells SELF. Because you can fit it tight against your body, it stays in place during penetrative play, allowing it to pulsate against your partner with each thrust. (Also, it can be controlled via app by a partner near or far.)
Though it’s very similar to the Chorus in shape and design, rather than featuring two vibrating arms, the Jive has only the vibrating G-spot arm. That’s why, according to Sloane, it’s a better option for people who prefer G-spot stimulation to clitoral.
For couples already experienced using sex toys, psychosexual therapist and host of the Sexual Wellness Sessions podcast Kate Moyle recommends this Lelo toy because it creates a more intense feeling. “It can be worn by the female partner and lets her share the vibrations with her partner,” she says. Because of the way the vibrator is curved, if inserted, it touches her G-spot and moves against him too, rotating to create a powerful sense of movement within both bodies.
For a combination of external and internal stimulation, Engle recommends the flexible Bender vibrator. She likes that you can actually curve its “slim, straight, minimalist shape” to touch both the clitoris and the G-spot (or just one or the other).
If you haven’t tried a bendable sex toy, you’re missing out. “Unlike most other vibrators, this toy bends, which allows you to customize it to fit your needs and wants,” says Finn. Want to explore G-spot or P-spot (that’s prostate) stimulation? Angle the shaft so the bulbous tip can hit the spot. Want to show the almighty clitoris some affection? Keep the toy flat and slip it between your legs. “Its versatility is what makes it an especially great option for a first couples vibrator,” she says.
Wearing a harness with a pocket for a bullet vibrator is another way to add vibration. Finn’s number-one harness r
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