Adoring Torture

Who I am is who she is. If her smile is not bright enough, I am the grumpiest me. If her mood swings back and forth in seconds, my day is more hectic than a cyclone. She defines me in a way I couldn’t never explain. You see, here is all the problem starts, making it the most adoring torture. Though there has not been any cure for being human till now. I don’t blame her, I blame ME. The ME who loved her beyond the shades of trees can cover, beyond every possible combination of cards, beyond the heart’s ability to pump, beyond all possible temptations, beyond the word beyond itself. Logic out smarts thinking. Especially when your thoughts are compromised by the so called “love”. As far as I was concerned people judge you for what you did or what you didn’t do. There must be no judging in between doing. While running the thoughts of surprises, she surprises me with roughness. I think a bullet would hurt more if you were just standing while you’re shot rather than as you were running away from it. But still I got used to her evil ways. I got used to the fact that she just loves me on Sundays; a Sunday kind of love. Why does lights hurts my eyes so much? Her darkness embraces me as its own. Her darkness loves me more than she does. Shockingly true love originates in the weirdest kind of way. Who she is, made me who I am today. The worst possible version of me. Who loves for no reason. Who loves beyond the shades of trees can cover, beyond every possible combination of cards, beyond the heart’s ability to pump, beyond all possible temptations, beyond the word beyond itself. Who gives without having nothing to take; an empty handed love. And there was born ME, the lover of times. You know what’s is funny? Every song rhymes with my situation. When the song tells me I’m mad I’ll be mad, when the song tells me to get angry, I’ll do so. But every lyric ends up illuminating that I lost ages ago. When I waved her for the first time. When I started to type about her. When I volunteered to be her victim. I lost that very day. However, my soul couldn’t let her go.