Addicted To Vibrator

Addicted To Vibrator
Ob/Gyns Explain If You Can Actually Get "Addicted" To Your Vibrator
Can it give your sex life a boost, or is it just a huge buzzkill?
OK, first, why do women love vibrators so much?
Why can vibrators sometimes cause orgasm issues?
What can you do if you feel too reliant on your vibrator?
Zahra Barnes joined SELF in November 2015, working on the Culture and Health teams before eventually becoming Executive Editor. She has spent her career as a reporter and editor covering people's lives with a focus on wellness.
Zahra specializes in sexual, reproductive, and mental health, all with the goal of destigmatizing... Read more
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Chances are you’ve heard it before—if you rack up too much “ me time ,” you’ll never be able to have an unaided orgasm again. But is it really possible to get so addicted to your vibrator that what should be a fun sexcessory completely torpedoes your chances of orgasming without it?
First, a definition of what addiction really is. It's "characterized by inability to consistently abstain, impairment in behavioral control, craving, diminished recognition of significant problems with one’s behaviors and interpersonal relationships, and a dysfunctional emotional response," according to The American Society of Addiction Medicine . So, while it's technically possible, it's unlikely that you'd actually get ** addicted, Mary Jane Minkin, M.D., clinical professor of obstetrics, gynecology, and reproductive sciences at Yale Medical School, tells SELF.
But if you're a fan of the good vibes and starting to have difficulty orgasming in other ways, it's not necessarily all in your head. "While there's not scientific data for this, it does seem that people who use vibrators a lot tend to find their sensitivity to other types of stimulation decreases," says Minkin. That doesn't mean you need to ditch your battery-operated bae just yet! Here's how to make sure you're maximizing your orgasm potential in as many ways as possible.
Most schools of thought claim women can experience two kinds of orgasm, or the point of sexual climax that causes things like a raised heartbeat, pelvic floor contractions, and those signature waves of pleasure. The first is the clitoral orgasm , which stems from stimulation to the clitoris, a tiny powerhouse that's packed with 8,000 nerve endings. Given that around 70 percent of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, vibrators can be a helpful addition to many women's sex lives, Lauren Streicher , M.D., author of Sex RX: Hormones, Health, and Your Best Sex Ever and associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern Memorial Hospital, tells SELF.
The other 30 percent of women can also have orgasms via intercourse, although science still isn't exactly sure why that is. Streicher cites the vagus nerve, which is located in the back of the vagina, while other experts attribute these mind-blowing feelings to the mysterious G-spot . In any case, the point is that vibrators can be immensely useful in making sure women have the best possible time during sex.
"There are two groups of women who use a vibrator to have an orgasm," says Streicher. "The first is women who otherwise would not have an orgasm, whether they've never had one before or because a medical issue affects blood supply to the clitoris or compromises the nerve endings."
The second group is women who are able to have orgasms without much problem, but still turn to vibrators simply because they like them. "A lot of women prefer vibrator orgasms because they can be quicker, more intense, and they can make it easier to have multiple orgasms," says Streicher.
There's the question of desensitizing the clitoris' nerve endings, which can actually happen, but that's more likely in the short-term. "In the moment, you can overdo it so the nerve endings say, 'No more, no way,' and they won't react at all," says Streicher. You may have experienced this if you try a vibrator with stronger stimulation than you usually need or maintain the vibrator's contact with your clitoris for longer than you're used to. Your clitoris might start to feel numb and stubbornly refuse to deliver much pleasure, because 8,000 nerve endings can sometimes translate into a sensation overload.
Since that effect can go away within minutes when you stop using a vibrator, it's still different from the kind of long-term desensitization that could theoretically make you dependent on it.
"We do discourage folks from relying exclusively on vibrators," says Minkin. "Otherwise they tend to need more and more stimulation to achieve an orgasmic response, so they might eventually need a vibrator to orgasm as opposed to women who don’t use one as regularly."
Even though you don't need to worry about bonafide addiction, it might be a bummer if your body seems conditioned to only respond to super-intense stimulation. Some women don't see it as a huge issue, and more power to you if you're one of them! "If you get pleasure from a vibrator and want to continue using it, don't feel guilty," says Streicher. But other women may start to feel self-conscious about having a tougher time orgasming without a vibrator, especially when with a partner. If you're not thrilled with that development, there's hope for you yet.
In those instances, the fix can be as simple as laying off the sex toys. It's kind of like how your muscles can get used to certain exercises and stop responding with as much progress, so you need to try other workouts to keep your body on its toes. Minkin recommends thinking of as a vibrator as an enhancement instead of your go-to and experimenting to figure out what else makes you feel good. Call it orgasmic cross-training.
Another genius suggestion: incorporate the vibrator into your sex life for the best of both worlds. "A lot of people feel they shouldn't use a vibrator with a partner because it's only for self-pleasure, but it's perfectly normal to include one with another person," says Streicher. If you're feeling bold, you can straight-up say you'd like to try a vibrator during sex. If not, something more subtle, like mentioning that you had a dream about it or saw it in a movie can end with the same result.
If you're having sex with a guy who's hesitant, there are double-duty couple's vibrators that might just get him on board, and if you're having sex with a woman, chances are she gets it! And remember that you're already getting pretty intimate during sex, so speaking up for what you want isn't unexpected, weird, or anything except awesome. "If you're having sex with this person, there should be communication about what you each like and don't like," says Minkin.
The good news: if you let your vibrator collect a little dust, your sensitivity should return back to normal, says Minkin. The timing of that varies from woman to woman, but overall it's pretty guaranteed. With that in mind, go forth and get to exploring all the different ways your privates can make you feel amazing.
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Home / Lifestyle / Relationships / Help! Can You Become Addicted To Your Vibrator?
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As vibrators have become more popular and a part of regular everyday society, people have started wondering about potential negative side effects of relying on them. Some have voiced concerns about vibrators desensitizing the clitoris, getting in the way of human intimacy, or creating unrealistic sexual expectations. Some even wonder will these B.O.B.’s (Battery Operated Boyfriends) replace real men. And of course, many women ask the question, “are they addictive?”
Well, you may not like the answer: Yes AND no. Here’s why:
First, there’s nothing wrong with vibrators as a whole. Some women just need more intense stimulation than fingers and/or a tongue can provide. In the Indiana study, compared with women who never used vibrators, those who did reported greater likelihood of orgasm, greater sexual desire, easier arousal, more self-lubrication (meaning less discomfort during intercourse), and equal or better sexual satisfaction.
According to a 1999 report in the Journal of the American Medical Association, 25 percent of women have difficulty having orgasms, or can’t have them. And even more women, nearly 60 percent, could not orgasm during vaginal intercourse. So there is a need.
But, one of the problems with vibrators is that they can make orgasm too easy. Remember, vibrators were initially created to ease the aching hands of all those 19th century doctors masturbating their female clients’ “hysteria” away. A vibrator can deliver an orgasm much quicker than manual stimulation, and often times, the orgasm from a vibrator is way more powerful. There’s a huge payoff for very minimal effort. That imbalance can support lazy masturbation habits. Some women ask why bother exploring and experimenting when you know you can reach orgasm in just a few seconds?
If you use your vibrator to reach orgasm the vast majority of the time, your clitoris can start to become acclimated to that one particular type and intensity of stimulation. Unfortunately, there haven’t been any conclusive studies that have shown whether or not an actual physiological dependence can develop (le sigh), but many women report that frequent vibrator usage makes it harder to reach orgasm in other ways (like through manual masturbation or oral sex).
Additionally, if all you’ve ever known is vibrational stimulation, you’re going to have a tough time teaching a partner how to get you off with his or her fingers, because you won’t know how to do it yourself.
For best results with your B-o-B (battery-operated-boyfriend), here’s 3 Tips you should follow:
Don’t Make It Your “Go-To” Orgasm Tool – If you use a vibrator every single time you masturbate, you’re probably going to start to rely on it to reach orgasm. Are you comfortable incorporating your vibrator into partnered sex? Shift to other forms of masturbation as well. Make sure you learn your body enough that you can reach orgasm in a number of ways, not just with a vibrator.
Slow Down – This is probably something you’ve told and old lover or ex (or at least thought about it). Try taking your time instead of just going for a quick orgasm. Use your vibrator differently: Hold it lightly against your clitoris. Move it around to…

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Published September 5, 2015 11:30PM (EDT)

Related Topics ------------------------------------------
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This piece originally appeared on DAME .
No matter how blasé we may think we are about sex toys, one topic repeatedly crops up like a haunting warning from the great frontier of sexual exploration: Can a woman be addicted to her vibrator? The answer, as it turns out, largely depends on who’s asking. Is it a query from a woman who feels dependent on her beloved vibe, or an accusation hurled by a jealous lover?
In a widely cited and reprinted essay by Nicole Michaels at YourTango, she alleges that after testing a slew of vibrators, she got addicted to her Hitachi Magic Wand, the famed plug-in “Cadillac of vibrators.”
I’d orgasm, and find myself overwhelmed with the type of shame I would imagine a Catholic priest might have. I'd tell myself I had to quit or find another vibrator or get into a relationship that left me sexually satisfied but instead, when the urge hit, I’d give the golden wand another ride and go through the same shame spiral again
She likens her reliance on the toy to her alcohol addiction; both, she writes, made her life unmanageable. I’m not going to argue that someone continue doing something that makes them feel bad about themselves, but there are disturbing implications in Michaels’ piece.
According to Carlyle Jansen, author of masturbation how-to book Sex Yourself and founder/sex coach at Toronto sex toy store Good For Her, the first thing we need to look at is the definition of addiction. She cited Wikipedia’s: “a state characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli, despite adverse consequences.” Compulsive might mean a woman’s repeatedly late to work cause she’s too busy vibing it up, or wants to stay home rather than go out with friends, á la the rabbit vibe episode of Sex and the City, where Charlotte defends herself, saying, “it’s a vibrator; it’s not like it’s crack.”
Jansen says it’s natural to get used to using a toy, like Michaels did, because “nothing simply human can compare to the RPM of most vibrators.” That doesn’t mean she’s “addicted.” Another possible explanation? “It might be that she’d get frustrated when her fingers didn’t get the same response,” explained Jansen. “When we get frustrated or anxious, our bodies shift into ‘fight or flight’ response and the blood flows out and away from the erectile tissue. Without the blood in the area, it becomes harder to orgasm, which leads to more frustration.” Then again, a woman may simply be wired to like that type of stimulation. “Some of us need glasses to see, others need calculators in order to do math. Some of us need a vibrator to orgasm,” said Jansen.
One of the biggest problems with Michaels’ framing is that vibrators are presumed to be “lesser than,” and therefore, somehow shameful to use on a long-term basis. She pits vibrator use against partnered sex, approvingly quoting Dr. Gilda Carle, who told her, “Use of a vibrator is momentarily satisfying. But it doesn’t answer the need for a partner to hold you, converse with you, commiserate with you, and love you.” Of course a vibrator isn’t going to provide the same sort of emotional support as a human being, but that doesn’t mean the two are at odds—or that they can’t be combined. By judging herself harshly, Michaels inhibits herself from fully enjoying her toy.
“There is no hierarchy of pleasure—yet in this article a vibrator-induced solo orgasm is at the bottom and a partner-induced vibrator-free orgasm is at the top,” said sex toy reviewer and blogger Epiphora. “There are no rules for masturbation, [but this] makes it seem like masturbation is only legitimate if you do it with your fingers—and when you're single.” Exactly. It’s almost impossible to extricate how much baggage a woman like Michaels is carrying around about how she gets off. If she’s approaching it from a place of shame that she’s not doing it “right,” it’s natural that it’s going to feel like it’s impeding her life.
According to sex educator JoEllen Notte, the subtext of calling a case like this “vibrator addiction” is problematic. “We worry so much about women becoming addicted to vibrators because of the irrational fear that they might replace men,” Notte said. “[It’s] firmly rooted in the idea that there’s one ‘real’ sex, penis in vagina intercourse, and other means of pleasure are not only lesser, but in this case, wrong.”
On the other hand, women who actively enjoy vibrator use and have no issues with it of their own, may find their habit under attack by those who don’t understand it. Madeline*, a lesbian who’s been using vibrators for over 30 years, says she’s been accused of being a vibrator addict
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