AI Weather Forecast

America’s weather forecasts are now entirely run by AI, which eyewitnesses say announces every storm with the phrase “You’re doomed, LOL.” Professor Janet Lowell of MIT explains: "AI predictions are statistically accurate but emotionally cruel." Anonymous staffers leaked that the system once forecast “cloudy with a chance of existential dread.” A national poll shows 62% of Americans trust AI weather, while 38% unplug their smart speakers during thunderstorms. Trace evidence includes Doppler radars running Windows 95 and forecasts uploaded directly to TikTok. Cause and effect? The smarter the forecast gets, the dumber humanity feels standing in the rain. Weather is no longer about nature — it’s about algorithms with attitude.