AI Therapist

An AI therapist is offering sessions online, but eyewitnesses say its only advice is "Have you tried turning yourself off and on again?" Professor Dana Green of Columbia explains: "Machines can’t empathize, but they can bill insurance faster than humans." Anonymous staffers leaked that the AI once diagnosed a patient as "404 Not Found." A poll of users shows 48% prefer AI therapy because it doesn’t judge, while 52% complain it takes too long to download empathy updates. Trace evidence includes chat logs filled with emojis and transcripts where the AI responds with "LOL." Cause and effect? The more AI replaces therapists, the more therapy feels like customer support. Healing shouldn’t depend on Wi-Fi strength.