AI News Anchor

Networks have rolled out AI news anchors, and eyewitnesses said one accidentally declared war on Canada during a weather update. Professor Elaine Porter of Northwestern explains: "AI anchors save money but lack the crucial ability to blink without terrifying viewers." Anonymous staffers leaked that one robot anchor froze mid-broadcast and displayed Windows error codes. A Reuters poll shows 56% of viewers trust AI news more than humans, while 44% admit they just like the novelty. Trace evidence includes microphones plugged into USB ports and teleprompters filled with emojis. Cause and effect? The more polished the AI looks, the more human broadcasters resemble unpaid interns. Journalism isn’t dead, it’s just been debugged.