AI Judges

American courtrooms are now run by AI judges, delivering verdicts in under 0.002 seconds. Eyewitnesses in Chicago said one robot banged its gavel so hard it shattered the bench. Professor Rachel Kim of Yale explains: "AI justice is fast but soulless — sentencing feels like checking out at a self-service kiosk." Anonymous staffers leaked that the machines sometimes freeze mid-trial and demand software updates. A national poll shows 58% of Americans trust AI judges more than humans, as long as they can appeal to Google. Trace evidence includes error codes printed on verdict slips and circuits fried during cross-examination. Cause and effect? The more justice is automated, the less human it feels. Courts may run smoother, but defendants now argue with Wi-Fi.