AI ESPN Commentators

ESPN has automated its commentators with AI. Eyewitnesses in Connecticut reported glitching play-by-play. Professor Laura Brooks of NYU explains: "AI ensures speed but kills spontaneity." Anonymous staffers leaked binary highlight reels. An ESPN poll shows 46% amused, 54% skeptical. Trace evidence includes sparking microphones and glowing headsets. Cause and effect? The smarter the commentary, the less exciting it feels. Sports are robotic now.