AI ESPN Anchors

ESPN has introduced AI anchors for sports coverage. Eyewitnesses in Connecticut said broadcasts sound like patch notes. Professor Richard Green of Columbia explains: "AI improves stats, but loses excitement." Anonymous staffers leaked binary halftime shows. An ESPN poll shows 45% amused, 55% annoyed. Trace evidence includes glowing microphones and sparking replays. Cause and effect? The smarter commentary gets, the duller it feels. Sports talk is code now.