A letter from the girlfriend of a protester held in Lai Chi Kok Reception Centre
Editor’s note: It has been 9 months since the start of the anti-extradition bill movement. With most of the world’s focus turned to the novel coronavirus, we would like to remind everyone not to forget the sacrifices made by all those who are fighting for Hong Kong’s freedom and democracy. The letter below is posted on Shiu Ka-chun’s (Legislative Council member) Facebook page. It was read out at a rally held last December in support of protesters detained at the Lai Chi Kok Correctional Institution.
Hello everyone, thank you very much for attending the rally today to boost morale for everyone currently held in the reception centre. I am the girlfriend of one of the incarcerated protesters inside. Today, December 20, 2019, marks the 45th day of his incarceration. I'm sorry that I could not attend the rally today, but this might have been a blessing in disguise, as I don't think I would have been emotionally stable enough to express the following in person.
45 days may go by in the blink of an eye for those on the outside, but for him, this past month and a half have been the most difficult 45 days of his life to date.
There are many restrictions in this correctional facility: every aspect of his day - from the scheduled time to wake up, to that of showers, meals, activities, sleep, etc - are all subject to the centre's strict curfews and discipline. Although he is permitted to receive certain material provisions from family and friends, the precise number and nature of items allowed are, likewise, highly restricted. Daily visits are also limited to a meagre 15 minutes.
The loss of freedom is an immense challenge to cope in itself, but what is perhaps truly arduous for him, is the repetitive monotony of life inside the facility, and moreover a feeling of helplessness in light of the ever changing events occurring outside. In times when I've updated him on societal events during daily visits, the reaction from him has always manifested in expressions of powerlessness and frustration. He is eager to witness these events himself, as opposed to being informed by censored news on CCTVB in the prison activity room.
The dissemination of news inside is extremely slow. Except for the daily 15-minute visit, the only other way for him to communicate with us is through letters. However, that is also a slow process, as the mandatory screening of letters by staff presents, on average, a 5-day delay in the exchange of letters.
The daily visits take place during the early morning, that leaves him most of the remaining hours of each day with no access to outside information. A lot can happen in those hours. For instance, on the day that he was arrested, it was within the span of a mere few minutes between him texting me and him being taken away. From that day on, we have only been able to see each other through a thick glass panel, and talk through a phone similar to the one shown in the movie "Prison on Fire".
An accident happened two days ago in the area of Fanling and Sheung Shui. I fortunately wasn’t hurt, but he didn’t know (and couldn't have known) anything about that on the day. He later told me he wanted to cry as soon as he read the news, and spent an entire day filled with worry and anxiety. He only felt relief once he saw me again in person yesterday.
Aside from the helplessness he feels about what is happening outside whether big or small, the emotional distress experienced is also tremendous . Perhaps it is of little interest to everyone but apart from the love for family, for someone in her 20s, the love for your romantic partner can be just as deep. Especially after this traumatic life event, you come to realize who is really important in your life and whom you cherish.
Right from the start in his first letter written to me, he said he would understand should I want to end our relationship.
He did not want his imprisonment to end up imprisoning me. Just imagine the frustration of this dilemma in wanting to keep close the people you love, but simultaneously feeling that they are better off without you. This internal conflict felt within oneself is rather painful and somewhat masochistic.
It is not simply the loss of freedom inside; it is also the challenge in trying to accept that you are no longer in charge of your own life. You are now merely a spectator on the sidelines, expected to silently accept all that is prescribed. It is an incredibly painful realization, and an even more painful journey to acceptance. Every day is just an infinite loop.
As the holiday season approaches, just before Christmas and New Year's Eve, the emotional pain worsens. It is further exacerbated by the fact that my birthday is in December.
Last month, the High Court refused his bail application. After the hearing, he apologized to me for not being able to celebrate my birthday with me. He also apologized for being absent for Christmas and the New Year countdown. I could not stop crying after listening to his apologies.
Every daily visit is subject to an official 15-minute countdown, the phone instantly disconnects when time is up. Every goodbye is rushed and the words "bye bye" always end up having to be mimed through the glass.
Interactions with him that seem trivial in the past, such as a simple touch of his face or a hold of his hand, I now realize I have taken them for granted. These are things we will not be able to do for years to come. Not being able to just meet up with him, not being able to freely converse with him - these are the things that put the greatest distance between us.
His letters often make me laugh and cry at the same time. To be frank, no one knows what tomorrow may bring. The best we can do is to cherish the present day, to cherish every 15-minute visit there is.
I saw this discussion one day : Would you rather suffer as a human being, or enjoy blissful ignorance as a pig? When I shared this discussion with him, he responded saying that he is currently suffering in ignorance [due to his restricted access of information inside]. I told him even if he is suffering, he is in no way an ignorant pig.
Lastly, I urge everyone not to choose to be an uninformed pig, and not to forget about the brothers and sisters who have sacrificed themselves in this movement. To quote Brian Leung’s (a Hong Kong activist) words: "Solidarity, apart from the mutual acknowledgment of the core values of human rights and freedom, must also include a shared sense of pain. As fellow human beings, we should all play a role in maintaining the qualities that differentiate us from animals. We should not dismiss our ability to be critical thinkers, nor should we ignore our ability to reflect and judge.” A further quote from one of the exchanged letters reads: “It may appear at present that there are substantial barriers in our way, and as a result, we may feel weak, disappointed, and exhausted. It is precisely these feelings of pain which remind us that we are still living, breathing beings."
Thank you again for your presence today, and for your efforts in continuing to show solidarity with those inside.
Source : Shiu Ka Chun, Facebook page