A hacker's guide to mental clarity

I have been hacking my body's chemistry for over 5 years.

On some level, I've always known that I was in some way different to those around me. At age 32 I decided to find out what the medical professionals believe this to be. I was diagnosed with autism. As far as they are concerned, I have Asperger's syndrome, ADHD, anxiety and depression. A list of mental dysfunctions that require many years of therapy combined with powerful medication in order to try and correct. The keyword there is "try".

As far as I am concerned, my mind has adapted to its environment. I won't get into any specific details here, but my childhood could very accurately be described as fucked up. I'm talking Mr Robot level of fucked up. I did not want to hand myself over to a bunch of people who do not have first-hand experience of what's going on in my mind and have them try to turn me into a "normal" person. What the fuck does that even mean anyway?

I am an engineer. A human being is the greatest machine known to mankind. I decided to work on improving myself on my own. I am the only actor in my version of reality. I am the only one that can. I am not going to become "normal". I am not going to become just another fucking clone. I am going to work on becoming the best human that I can be. 5 years down the line and ...

Here is what I've learned.

I clean my digestive system daily with neem and turmeric. Neem is a powerful antibacterial and turmeric is a powerful anti-inflammatory. They both taste like shit, but I roll a bit of each into the shape of a pill and swallow them first thing in the morning. The digestive system is the body's primary way of absorbing the raw materials it needs. It is also exposed to contamination and damage. These two plants do a really good job at keeping it clean and healthy. The more toxins that end up in my bloodstream, the more my thought patterns get disrupted. The more my digestive system is damaged, the less serotonin it can produce and the shittier I start to feel.

I follow a plant-based diet. Well, ... most of the time. The fact is, my body is made out of the things I eat and drink. I want to give it the best possible raw materials I can find. Organic ripe fruit is very easy for my body to process and it seems to result in very little damage to my digestive system. My first meal of the day is always just fruit. I am most clear-headed and most productive when all I have eaten is fruit. Vegetables and grains come second. They are slightly more difficult to process and tend to slow me down a bit. Plant-based food products come third. By this point in the day, I am actually trying to wind down and I don't mind the extra amount of energy required to digest them. Lastly, I will eat a good steak or some barbequed ribs every once in a while. Any animal-derived foods slow me down a lot and the effect lasts up to 2 whole days so I time these meals wisely, usually on a Friday evening with plenty of time to recover before starting any serious work again on Monday. They also make me depressed so I always exercise more after having some to help my body eliminate the blood toxins more quickly.

Gluten makes my ADHD really hard to control. Even a biscuit is enough to cause my mind to spin up dozens of threads and constantly context switch between them until I am absolutely exhausted and eventually fall asleep. It also seems to cause a lot of inflammation in my body making it more difficult for me to move around. This inflammation also puts me in a state of anxiety that doesn't go away until the gluten is fully eliminated from my body.

To help keep my blood clean, I increased my liver function using silymarin. The cleaner I can keep my blood, the clearer my mind is and the longer I can focus on whatever I am working on. This hyperfocus has been incredibly useful to me. I am able to work continuously for 6 to 7 hours and not be distracted by anything that is not relevant. I am able to achieve this without any so-called smart drugs which I did try at one point.

I use 5-Hydroxytryptophan to increase my body's serotonin production. Over time, this has made me more confident in both my work and personal lives. I used to get terrible anxiety about presenting my ideas to others which sometimes even stopped me from pursuing them altogether. I couldn't speak to people for the first time without sweating profusely and shaking in fear. The extra serotonin also helps me evacuate my bowels more regularly and helps with keeping my blood clean. It also acts as a mood booster and keeps me from getting depressed.

Omega 3 fatty acids help me regenerate brain cells. I work in the tech industry and my job is very stressful. The healthier my brain cells are the better I am able to perform and cope with the stress. I used to burn myself out at the start of each project. I always build up the entire solution to a problem in my head and then proceed to slowly implement this into code. This is the part I enjoy the most about my job. These fatty acids help me get through this initial stage. As the saying goes, as soon as I hyperfocus on something, it's over for you bitches.

Since I spend a lot of time in front of a computer, I use Vitamin D supplements to make sure that my body gets as much as it needs. This is no replacement for getting some sunshine each day but it has stopped me from getting too depressed and losing the will to live in really dark winters when I don't see the sun for weeks at a time.

Boosting my B12 has made exercise a lot more enjoyable for me. I choose to exercise outdoors. Usually, mountain biking, hiking or climbing. All of these are challenging both physically and mentally. B12 helps my body produce enough energy to complete the adventures I set out on, but mostly these all require a strong mind in order to succeed. Over time, challenging my mind like this has helped to reduce my anxiety levels and desensitize my amygdala.

Caffeine is something that I use very rarely. It puts my body into a state of high alert and gives me a great deal of anxiety. As soon as I put it in, my body goes to great lengths to get rid of it. I found that only the first 2 consecutive doses are effective. After that, I need at least a week to recover from its effects and get back on track. I always save it for when it really matters. I use caffeine to give me an extra edge in important interviews for instance or to help me get back to the car after a really long day in the mountains.

I don't drink alcohol because it gives me a lot of anxiety and leaves too many toxins in my blood. To help me relax after a particularly stressful day or just before my anxiety starts to become overwhelming, I use CBD. Over the years, this has helped me remain calm during stressful times when a project is falling behind schedule and managers start yelling when a severe outage occurs and I am the one on-call or when it's time to negotiate a pay rise.

I sleep by myself and always face my head away from the nearest magnetic pole. Blood contains traces of metals which get attracted by the planet's magnetic poles similarly to a compass needle. If more blood ends up in the tiny capillary veins in the brain, this ends up stressing them more and affects their ability to regenerate and heal during sleep. My bedroom is my private space. I have explained this with a moderate degree of success to all my girlfriends. It is important for me to have a safe space where I can be alone and be able to rest and recharge. I wear ANC headphones, play with my fidget toys, listen to music, light a candle and stare at the flame. These are all things that help me relax and fall asleep.

I have kept this anonymous because society is so fucked up that people like me along with many others are discriminated against for being in some way not "normal". I do not wish for this to have a negative impact on my work and for me to be disregarded from job opportunities due to being different. I know that there are many of you out there who suffer in silence. I hope that you will find at least some of this advice helpful. If you do, please pay it forward and help someone else to achieve mental clarity and use their superpowers to their advantage.