A boy

cw: смерть близкого

he was just a kid trying to live his life in this dangerously cruel world. 

it was easier when his brother was around, a catching hand that ground him, guide him. take his fears away and close his eyes so he wouldnt see the darkest the bloodiest things that happened every goddamn day around.

it wasn't easy, he lied to himself. he was seven when he realised - he couldn't remember his mother's face. he wasn't sure if she even existed, but thinking about it was silly. of course he had a mother. and a father. they both had them, how could they not?

but he can't catch a glimpse of any memory of them. it was scary at first, but does it make a difference? he has a brother at his side and a group of people who care about him, that's enough.

maybe it would have been easier if his mum had hugged him the night after his brother died, but he was alone in his room, counting to ten and back again to quieten his tears and not disturb anyone.

anelise said his brother was a hero, he had saved them. but heroes from fairy tales never abandon their loved ones, never die in the end, never lose.

maybe the fairy tales were just lies.

lying in the dark, clutching tightly the blanket that still smelled of dirt and grass and human skin, he decided to become a hero himself, to win in the end, to protect who he cared about so that his sacrifice would not be in vain.

every other person had their destiny in their hands, their little purpose to live and fight every day. his was in other peoples eyes.

so while they're grunt their happiness more or less, the world gave him a power he didnt ask for. the burden he didnt wish for. the glorious purpose he cant fill in.

of course he can just run away and find a peace for himself, at least he can try. 

but feeling in his hands the power to save the whole world which he cannot control, feeling the threads of all destinies in his hands which are so taut that they will break at any moment, he cant be selfish. he never was.

so he tries again and again, stumbling and falling, bringing destruction wherever he appears, in the simple hope that all the good things he does will be able to cover up his past mistakes.

is it stupid for him to think that?

but all he can do is look into the eyes that have glazed over a hundred times in front of him and hope that he had another chance.

after all, what else could he do?