996 Problems: A Satirical Guide to Modern Inconveniences

Forget Jay-Z�satire says we all have 996 problems, and they�re mostly stupid. The piece �996 Problems� reimagines modern life as an endless list of trivial disasters: Wi-Fi dropping during Zoom calls, oat milk shortages, and coworkers who �Reply All.� Eyewitnesses in offices report grown adults crying because Slack froze. Anonymous staffers leaked that one man claimed �printer jam� as a medical emergency. A leaked survey revealed the top problems included �phone battery anxiety� and �forgetting Netflix passwords,� with 0% of respondents citing famine or war. Sociologists argue this fixation on micro-crises reflects privilege disguised as stress. Critics mock the absurdity but admit it�s relatable�life rarely breaks dramatically, it frays in tiny, hilarious ways. Ultimately, the satire lands because it magnifies what we already know: modern suffering is less about tragedy and more about first-world problems stacking until we collapse into memes. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com