12 Yo Girl Sex

12 Yo Girl Sex
Can hardly believe I'm writing this but after a week of hardly no sleep and relationship at breaking point, I need more outside advice. My daughter turns 14 in December. At the beginning of May this year, 5 months ago, she started her first relationship. This boy is 2 school years above her, it works out about 18 months older than her. They had been "talking" on and off for about 6 months prior to going official, so by the time they went official, they were already pretty close. I met him almost immediately, we are a large, close family and I always wanted my kids partners to be welcomed and for us all to get on. Especially with her only being 13, I needed and wanted to get to know this person well, who she was starting to spend a lot with. I am a very open and honest mum and have always spoke openly with my kids about anything they wanted to talk about.. My thinking has always been, if they are asking, they are wanting to know, and if they can't ask me, they will ask someone else, who may not know themselves. I warmed immediately to this boy and he fit really easily into the family. It was like he'd always been here. I genually care about him. I spent a lot of time with my daughter and boyfriend, we all got on great. We were always chatting about anything and everything. I was able to speak openly to both of them about her only been 13 and said that they could come to me about anything and I would be supportive. They both constantly reassured me that they weren't ready for anything sexual and they felt comfortable enough to talk to me when they felt things were progressing. I must admit, I found myself stressing out numerous occasions, worrying about what if etc and when this happened, I would speak to them about what was on my mind. I truly, 100% believed that I had done everything in my power, to connect with two love struck teenagers and constantly prided myself on the fact that we had a great relationship. I felt lucky that my daughters first love, wasn't an absolute nightmare, but a boy who genually wanted us to like him and be part of the family. Last Wednesday night I was driving him home, only us two as my daughter wasn't feeling well, when out of the blue he said he needed to tell me something. He confessed that they were having sex. That they had been the entire time and he couldn't carrying on lying to me anymore. He said that by the time he met me and got to know me, they had already had sex and by the time he realised they could of actually talked to me, the lies had got bigger and it was too much. Also my daughter had promised him never ever to tell me as I would stop them seeing each other. Apparently a condom broke on them (don't even believe they have been using them) and they had to do a pregnancy test. My world literally stopped that night. I felt like I was in another universe. I can't believe this is happening to us. The amount of lies my daughter has told me, is actually unforgivable. I just can't look at her in the same way at all. We just don't lie and the amount of lies she's told me, is just totally heartbreaking. I've spoke to her once about it, I was calm, matter of fact and blunt. When I really wanted to slap her, scream in her face and call her every name under the sun. She didn't speak just listened and then went upstairs crying. The next day I took her to our doctors, who put her on the pill and I made her do a pregnancy test, which was thankfully negative. We haven't spoken since. I just can't. And she hasn't tried. My hurt is running so deep inside me, it's like its changed me and how I feel about her. I've asked the boyfriend not to come round as seeing them here together just reminds me of what I thought we all had, and the amount of lies they have told. I have still been allowing her to his house, which is causing me some dilemma. I don't want to ban them seeing each other as they go to the same school anyway, plus they are that consumed with each other, I worry if I push them apart, they may do something stupid. I just can't see a way forward at all. The boyfriend has contacted me since and strangely enough, although I'm angry and upset they have done this so young, and the lies he has told me hurt, I can actually see his point of view. He was in a difficult position and not many 15 year olds would confide in their girlfriends Mum about this, I don't think. It's just the daughter. When I'm dropping her off, I'm thinking about, am I dropping her off for sex? When I'm picking her up, I'm thinking has she been having sex. Doing her washing and seeing a mark, thinking is it semem. I feel like I'm truly loosing my mind and can't think straight. Does anyone ever accept the fact their kids are having underage sex? Anyone that has gone through this and come out the other side, I would so appreciate your advise. This is the longest we have gone not speaking and I don't know how we can ever get it back.
Hi Kirsty, sorry but reading this it really seems you are the third wheel in their relationship. I think you need to back off a little, it's done now, you can't turn back time and erase the fact they have been having sex. I think it's amazing that actually you have taken this boy in and while yes she is 13, she is having sex in a relationship and now, protected. You will never be able to stop them having sex I'm afraid unless you break them up! Which i wouldn't say is the best idea. Life is too short not to speak to your daughter. Lots of teenagers are out sleeping around and doing whatever and she isn't!
Hi, I agree with Sarah. What's done is done now and don't let this get in the way of the fantastic relationship you have with them both. At least you know him and she's in a caring and loving relationship. Would you rather it happened this way or when she was older with someone you've never met or just doing it because everyone else was. I know it's easier said than done to let it go but I'm sure she couldn't tell you as she didn't know how you'd react or she didn't want to hurt you. Talk to her and trust her, it'll make your relationship even stronger. The last thing you want her to do is to start deliberately lying to see him. My mum was devastated when she found out I was having sex. She too found out through my then boyfriend. She was more hurt I didn't tell her and I didn't tell her because I wanted to stay her little girl. And now, we're so close - I tell her everything I still even now in my thirties want to be my mums little girl and hate disappointing her x You will get through this x
I'm sorry you are going though this. I would find it very hard with a 13 year old having sex too. But I don't agree that it's the norm nowadays.
Agree with above, you shouldn't push her away now. It's done, she obviously felt too scared or ashamed to tell you. And although I thinks it's FAR to young, you've done the right thing getting her on contraception. Good on him for being sensible (ha) enough to tell you before she did end up getting pregnant, give him abit of credit for being honest. I also think if this was my daughter I would rather she were having safe sex, she's going to do it whether you like it or not. But in saying that, I can imagine how you must feel, I would want to lock my daughter in her room!!
Your 13 year old sounds to be in a wonderful relationship which is rare for their age - going on a year long! Sure they had sex, but as much as you want to be open with your mum it's pretty embarrassing to find the right time and say they've done it - especially at such a young age. They dug themselves into a hole, one came clean, and now she's protected and you're aware. So move on? She knows you're mad she lied, but honestly she was in a pretty awkward situation. Teenagers hide stuff even if they don't need to, they're hormonal and they're embarrassed and as cool as parents say they will react - they might be scared of how you will actually react when it's told. They both clearly wanted to tell you but had dug themselves into such a hole, and then when the truth finally comes out you want to slap her? You're scaring her off from telling you stuff in the future, when instead you should be saying how glad you are that the truth is out etc etc. Stop punishing your daughter for being a teenager .
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Hi Kirsty, I think you have handled the situation very well. I would be the same, absolutely devastated at the lies and deceit - more so than the act itself maybe? These types of threads are always very divisive, some people think that 13 isn't too young, as if it's happened, it's happened. Personally I think it's way too young. I know it does happen, but at 13 it's not the norm. Most teenagers that age do not have sex. You can only go with what you believe is right. Personally I would stop her visiting his house, yes they can see each other in school, but that would be enough until she is older. If they are meant to be, they will still be together in a years time when she us 15 and you might reconsider. If he is as mature as he sounds, he will be ok with this. Good luck.
Thank you everyone for their comments. Must admit some felt quite harsh but I guess that's what happens when you put yourself out there, when you are at your most vulnerable. I have taken on board people's comments regarding me pushing her away. It was just my way of not saying something I couldn't take back. So this morning I made an effort over breakfast and complimented her hair and spoke about things in general. A very small thing, but a step in the right direction hopefully. And just before the school run she shouted me into the bathroom to tell me her period had started, so I took a deep breath and went for her contraceptive pills which she now needs to start. Maybe if we hadn't chatted over breakfast, she maybe wouldn't of dared mention her period? So this morning has gone well. Small steps every day I guess.
I have to agree with Anne. My feeling is that 13 is way too young for a sexual relationship. I have teenagers too and very few ( in fact I struggle to think of any) of their friends were having sex at that age. Fifteen perhaps, but even then sexually active kids are not in the majority. Technically it's rape, as a 13 year old is not mature enough ( still being a child ) to give consent.
I have to agree with Anne. My feeling is that 13 is way too young for a sexual relationship. I have teenagers too and very few ( in fact I struggle to think of any) of their friends were having sex at that age. Fifteen perhaps, but even then sexually active kids are not in the majority. Technically it's rape, as a 13 year old is not mature enough ( still being a child ) to give consent.
Technically, it's not rape - at least it's not statutory rape. That would only apply if she were under 13. And if it's consensual, it isn't rape anyway. This is a bit of a grey area. The Crown Prosecution Service has this to say: Consensual sexual activity between, for example, a 14 or 15 year-old and a teenage partner would not normally require criminal proceedings in the absence of aggravating features. Since the OPs daughter is nearly 14 the above would probably apply. In Canada it is legal for a 12-year-old to have sex with a partner who is no older than 14. Although I have never met a 12-year-old who seemed mature enough to make that decision I'm not going to stick my neck out and say it's impossible. Probably most 14-year-olds I've met (a lot) are capable of such a decision. Fewer would decide yes. Fourteen European countries have an age of consent of 14. I would prefer to keep it at 16 and do as Canada has done - a proper close-in-age exemption to decriminalise something which is perfectly natural.
13 year olds are children . Nothing will convince me otherwise. They need our protection.
According to the Sexual Offences Act 2003, it’s a criminal offence for any kind of sexual activity to take place between two people where one or both participants is under 16.
Let's face it. If it's happening it's not going to stop because her mother says so. I would rather know what was going on within reason rather than them hiding stuff, or meeting up in alleyways or parks. You could lock her up until she's 16 as it's a sexual offence as pp has pointed out. I'm sure she will thank you in her 30's!
Are the parents the boy happy with the situation? That this lad is having sex with a child ? I would be very concerned if my son was having sex with a 13 year old.
So Sarah are you suggesting that a parent has no control over what a 13 year old gets up to? That's it's going to happen anyway, so we may as well accept it. Does the same go for a child drinking, smoking, shoplifting?
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Child prostitutes sell themselves on Craigslist
Story Highlights Underage girls are selling sex in free Internet classifieds, police say Sacramento police have nabbed nearly 70 underage girls since 2005 "I wanted to feel loved ... important," says girl who began posting ads at age 11 Craigslist posts disclaimers warning against child exploitation, human trafficking Next Article in Crime »
By Veronica De La Cruz and David Fitzpatrick CNN

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SACRAMENTO, California (CNN) -- For more than two years, undercover cops on the Sacramento Police Department's vice squad have been working one of the most draining beats: trying to crack down on online child prostitution.
Sacramento police have nabbed nearly 70 underage girls for child prostitution since 2005.
Police have nabbed nearly 70 girls under the age of 18 since 2005. Most of the girls were released to foster or group homes. Those are just the official figures; investigators think there are many more child prostitutes out there.
"We're asking these girls to do a big thing ... which is to stop what they're doing," said Sgt. Pam Seyffert of the Sacramento Police Department. "Stop what's working for them. Surviving is basically what they're doing."
Sacramento police are working with the FBI as part of a nationwide campaign to combat underage prostitution called Innocence Lost. The goal of the program, which is now in almost 30 U.S. cities, is to decriminalize the girls and concentrate on catching the pimps who control them.
"It really makes me angry," Seyffert said. "I think everybody on the team has different reactions to it, but I just flat out get really angry that some guy thinks he can take this girl and basically deprive her of her freedom."
It is not uncommon for the officers on the unit to put in 30-hour shifts. Oftentimes, their work is heart-wrenching. Watch how investigators work to catch pimps »
Child prostitution is even tougher on the parents of these girls. Roslyn and Sergio's daughter had been missing for more than two weeks. They waited for hours at police headquarters in hopes that their daughter would be found.
Vice squad officers found her in a downtown apartment with Bruce William Carter, a 21-year-old man who police said had posed on the Internet holding fistfuls of cash. He pleaded not guilty to charges of statutory rape and was held in lieu of $35,000 bail.
The couple's daughter, who had just turned 17, was detained but not arrested.
"It hurt," said Roslyn, who appeared weary and a bit shell-shocked. "Because you don't want to see your children involved in things like this. You don't realize how dangerous the Internet is. Now, we got to keep her away from the Internet."
Police say most of the ads appear on Craigslist, the popular and free Internet classifieds site, under a category named "Erotic Services." Even though Craigslist has posted a bold disclaimer warning against human trafficking and the exploitation of children, law enforcement officials said it doesn't seem to deter girls from posting the ads or men who are searching for sex.
But why would a girl sell her body online?
To help answer that question, Sacramento police made arrangements for CNN to interview a 14-year-old girl who said she'd started selling herself as a prostitute at the age of 11.
"I wanted to feel loved. ... I wanted to feel important," said the teen, who did not want to be identified.
She said she used Craigslist because it was free and she could post dozens of ads a day. Even though she understood the seriousness of what she was doing, she said she didn't care.
"You could put stuff in your ad like 'wet and wild,' 'fun and sassy,' things like that to catch their attention, to make them want you," she said.
Craigslist executives said they abhor the fact that their site is being used for child prostitution but believe that the problem could be harder to track if they removed the category.
"It would be a bigger problem if we removed that category and had those ads spread throughout the site," said Jim Buckmaster, chief executive officer of Craigslist.
Both legal experts and police say Craigslist bears no legal responsibility. Undercover officers said the fact that the listings can be traced helps them pinpoint the girls and sometimes leads them to pimps.
For her part, Roslyn has a strong message for the man arrested in connection with her daughter's detention.
"I want him to stay away from my daughter," she said. "I'm going to put a restraining order on him. Every time he goes near my daughter, I'm going to call the police and have him put in jail."
Even though they have more work than they can handle, vice officers hold out hope that they can save more girls from a life of prostitution.

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