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You are here : Home » Parents Resources » Parenting » Health & Wellbeing » How to Talk to your Pre-Teen about Sex
The hardest part, of course, is staying composed. Try to respond to your child's initial question without turning red or acting as though some momentous exchange is taking place; such a response might unnerve her or suggest that sex is linked to feelings of shame. If you can remain calm and speak naturally early on, you send an important message to your child: "You don't need to feel nervous about asking me about this. It's something we can talk about."
When you arrive at the point of giving a technical description of "the Act," it may help both of you if you say something simple like, "Look, I know this might sound awful to you now, but -- trust me -- it will seem different when you're older." A straightforward and honest approach is the best way to get through this: "When a man and a woman decide they want to do this, the man's penis goes inside the woman's vagina, and sperm comes out of the man's penis. Sometimes the sperm joins with one of the tiny eggs inside the woman's body, and that makes the egg begin growing into a baby. This happens in the special place women have called a uterus."

Once you make it through this, you should expect your child to look both dumbfounded and suspicious, especially if it dawns on them that you may have done this thing at least once. Don't be surprised if they suddenly changes the subject, walks away, or act as though they haven't heard a word you've said. They heard you. They just need time to let it sink in.

Boys may notice the erections of other boys (even babies), wonder about their own erections and physical responses, and hear "boner" jokes or other crude references at an early stage, so it's a good idea to explain erections even to very young boys in a low-key way, making sure they understand that there's nothing shameful about a natural body response that they often have no control over. This should be easier if you've used the correct terms for body parts from the beginning; if you haven't, start getting your child comfortable with saying "penis" and easing him away from the euphemistic terms he's used until now.

Boys begin to have wet dreams when they reach puberty, usually between the ages of 9 and 15. A boy's first ejaculation may occur during a wet dream, and when he wakes up, he may not realise what happened. Thus it's important to let your son know well before puberty that wet dreams are a normal part of growing up and nothing to be ashamed of, that he can't control them, and that ejaculation is just a physical sign that he's growing into manhood.

Talking about masturbation is embarrassing for both you and your child, but it's important to let them know that there's nothing shameful or abnormal about masturbation. By this age, your child should be long past touching themselves in public, but both boys and girls may continue to masturbate in private, some of them quite often. Your child may feel guilty about this unless you reassure them that it's not only normal but healthy to have sexual feelings.

By being as inquisitive as you can, without tipping off your child that you're snooping -- at this age, children absolutely don't want to feel that their parents are looking over their shoulder. At school, ask the teachers exactly what they're teaching at each class level. (When and how do they discuss the reproductive system, sexually transmitted diseases, sexual harassment, and so on?) If they use textbooks or handouts, read them yourself.

You probably worry about what comes at your child on the Internet, but watch their television programmes, too. Pick up the magazines they're looking at. Be aware of what registers at their eye level on magazine stands, particularly the ones that hold adults-only publications. If you can stand it, listen to your child's favourite radio stations for a while. You'll probably see that from school age on, children are inundated with sexual references -- most of them sniggering, disrespectful, or misleading. The more you know about what your child is seeing and hearing about sex from other sources, the better equipped you are to make sure they know what you want to tell them.

Unfortunately, they probably do. They're likely to be hearing or reading references to AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases in the news and from their schoolmates. You might as well make sure they're getting information that's accurate. And answering their questions matter-of-factly is one more way of reassuring them that they can trust you to discuss sex calmly with them.

If they're 6 years old, no. However, you'd be wise to prepare yourself for a question or conversation about oral sex, especially since it continues to be a perplexing subject for children in school. It's not too early to start talking to your child about the important connections among sex, love, and responsibility. You may want to explain that kissing another person's private parts is another way of having sex; that even though a girl can't get pregnant this way, it's possible to transmit dangerous diseases through oral sex; and that oral sex, just like the other kind, entails feeling love, commitment, and regard for the person with whom it's performed.

Read our supplementary article

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
U.S. law on age of consent to sexual activity

^ An exception to the age of consent is that if a person in a "position of authority" (full-time, permanent employee) engages in any sexual contact with any minor under age 18 or victim specified above, that constitutes a sexual offense in the fourth degree . [173]

^ In Maryland, sexual offense (1st & 2nd degree) and rape (1st & 2nd degree) carry the same penalty. The distinction is that a rape involves vaginal intercourse.

^ Laws against "contributing to the unruliness or delinquency of a child" (§ 2919.24) and "interference with custody" (§ 2919.23) may be used against those who are 18 and older who have sex with those who are 16 and 17 if a parent or guardian complains. - See the section about Ohio for further information

^ Even though a person may legally consent to sexual activity with someone of any age older than him/her once he/she turns 16, Pennsylvania state prosecutors may still charge a person 18 or older with corruption of a minor , a misdemeanor offense, if a person has consensual sexual intercourse with a 16 or 17 year old [75] – See the section about Pennsylvania for further information

^ Texas has two statutes: section 21.11 of title 5 defines the age of consent as 17, but section 43.25 of title 9 criminalizes inducing a minor under 18 to engage in sexual conduct or causing such a minor to engage in a sexual performance [87] [126] [127] – See the section about Texas for further information

^ Drobac, Jennifer Ann (2013), "Wake up and Smell the Starbucks Coffee: How Doe v. Starbucks confirms the end of 'the Age of Consent' in California and Perhaps Beyond" , Boston College Journal of Law & Social Justice , 33 (1) , retrieved August 11, 2016

^ "Code Of Alabama" . alisondb.legislature.state.al.us . Retrieved October 9, 2019 .

^ "Sec. 11.41.436. Sexual abuse of a minor in the second degree. – The Alaska Legal Resource Center" . www.touchngo.com . Retrieved October 9, 2019 .

^ "Sec. 11.41.438. Sexual abuse of a minor in the third degree. – The Alaska Legal Resource Center" . www.touchngo.com . Retrieved October 9, 2019 .

^ "Chapter 36 - Sexual Offenses" . American Samoa Bar Association.

^ "13-1405. Sexual conduct with a minor; classification" . www.azleg.gov . Retrieved October 9, 2019 .

^ "13-1407. Defenses" . www.azleg.gov . Retrieved October 9, 2019 .

^ "13-1401. Definitions; factors" . www.azleg.gov . Retrieved October 9, 2019 .

^ "2010 Arkansas Code : : Title 5 - Criminal Offenses : : Subtitle 2 - Offenses Against The Person : : Chapter 14 - Sexual Offenses : : Subchapter 1 - General Provisions : : § 5-14-103 - Rape" . Justia Law . Retrieved October 9, 2019 .

^ "Chapter 1. Rape, Abduction, Carnal Abuse of Children, and Seduction [261 - 269]" . California Office of Legislative Counsel . Retrieved October 9, 2019 .

^ "Chapter 5. Bigamy, Incest, and the Crime Against Nature [286]" . California Office of Legislative Counsel . Retrieved October 9, 2019 .

^ "Chapter 5. Bigamy, Incest, and the Crime Against Nature [288]" . California Office of Legislative Counsel . Retrieved October 9, 2019 .

^ "2005 Connecticut Code - Sec. 46b-120. (Formerly Sec. 51-301). Definitions" . Justia Law . Retrieved October 9, 2019 .

^ "2005 Connecticut Code - Sec. 46b-127. (Formerly Sec. 51-308). Transfer of child charged with a felony to the regular criminal docket" . Justia Law . Retrieved October 9, 2019 .

^ "2005 Connecticut Code - Sec. 46b-133d. Serious sexual offender prosecution. Sentencing" . Justia Law . Retrieved October 9, 2019 .

^ "2005 Connecticut Code - Sec. 53a-70. Sexual assault in the first degree: Class B or A felony" . Justia Law . Retrieved October 9, 2019 .

^ "2005 Connecticut Code - Sec. 53a-71. Sexual assault in the second degree: Class C or B felony" . Justia Law . Retrieved October 9, 2019 .

^ Jump up to: a b "TITLE 11 - CHAPTER 5. Specific Offenses - Subchapter II. Offenses Against the Person" . delcode.delaware.gov . Retrieved October 10, 2019 .

^ "Chapter 30. Sexual Abuse" . Retrieved July 4, 2016 .

^ Jump up to: a b " Statutory Rape: A Guide to State Laws and Reporting Requirements ." United States Department of Health and Human Services . Retrieved on November 4, 2014. "Florida[ ... ]A child under 16 years of age cannot consent to sexual activity, regardless of the age of the defendant.[189] A child who is at least 16 years of age and less than 18 years of age cannot consent to sexual activity if the defendant is 24 years of age or older." and "Pennsylvania[ ... ]Sexual intercourse with someone less than 13 years of age is illegal regardless of the age of the defendant.[641] Sexual intercourse with someone at least 13 years of age and less than 16 years of age is illegal unless the defendant is less than four years older than the victim or is the victim's spouse."

^ "Flsenate Archive: Statutes & Constitution > View Statutes" . archive.flsenate.gov . Retrieved October 10, 2019 .

^ Jump up to: a b " Fla. Stat. 943.04354 .

^ "§ 16-6-3 – Statutory rape: : 2010 Georgia Code" . Retrieved July 18, 2011 .

^ "§ 16-6-2 – Sodomy; aggravated sodomy; medical expenses: : 2010 Georgia Code" . Retrieved July 18, 2011 .

^ Jump up to: a b "House Bill" . www.capitol.hawaii.gov .

^ Jump up to: a b " Report of the Age of Consent Task Force " ( Archive ). State of Hawaii Department of the Attorney General. Retrieved on November 4, 2014. p. i (PDF p. 6/79). Submitted to The Twenty-Second State Legislature Regular Session of 2003 Pursuant to Act 1, Second Special Session, SLH 2001.

^ "Idaho Statutes – 18-6101" . Archived from the original on July 30, 2010 . Retrieved July 28, 2010 .

^ "Idaho Statutes – 18-1508" . Archived from the original on July 31, 2010 . Retrieved July 28, 2010 .

^ "Idaho Statutes – 18-1508A" . Archived from the original on July 31, 2010 . Retrieved July 28, 2010 .

^ "Idaho Statutes – 18-1506" . Archived from the original on July 31, 2010 . Retrieved July 28, 2010 .

^ Jump up to: a b Criminal Sexual Assault (720 ILCS 5/11-1.20)

^ Jump up to: a b Criminal sexual abuse (720 ILCS 5/11-1.50)

^ Jump up to: a b Aggravated Criminal Sexual Assault (720 ILCS 5/11-1.30)

^ Jump up to: a b Predatory criminal sexual assault of a child (720 ILCS 5/11-1.40)

^ Jump up to: a b Aggravated criminal sexual abuse (720 ILCS 5/11-1.60)

^ Jump up to: a b 750 ILCS 5/203 and 750 ILCS 5/208

^ "Indiana Code 35-42-4" . p. 438 . Retrieved June 9, 2011 .

^ Jump up to: a b c "Indiana Code 35-42-4" . In.gov. Archived from the original on March 29, 2012 . Retrieved August 10, 2012 .

^ "Kansas Statutes 21-5503, 21-5504, 21-5506 and 21-5507" . 2012 . Retrieved September 10, 2013 .

^ Latek, Tom (January 19, 2018). "Age of consent change considered for some circumstances" . Kentucky Today . Retrieved December 6, 2018 .

^ "2012 Louisiana Laws, Revised Statutes, TITLE 14 — Criminal law, RS 14: 80 — Felony carnal knowledge of a juvenile" . Law.justia.com . Retrieved August 11, 2016 .

^ Jump up to: a b c d Sexual offense in the third degree . Maryland Code, Criminal Law § 3-307.

^ Jump up to: a b c Sexual offense in the second degree . Maryland Code, Criminal Law § 3-306.

^ Jump up to: a b c Rape in the second degree . Maryland Code, Criminal Law § 3-304.

^ Jump up to: a b Sexual solicitation of minor . Maryland Code, Criminal Law § 3-324.

^ Jump up to: a b "General Laws" . malegislature.gov .

^ "Michigan Legislature - Section 750.520d" . www.legislature.mi.gov . Retrieved October 10, 2019 .

^ Jump up to: a b c Gordon, Claire. " Lawmakers Move To Bar Teachers From Having Sex With Students ". AOL News . March 27, 2013. Retrieved on August 8, 2013.

^ Jump up to: a b Murray, Dave. " Teachers prohibited from having sex with students of any age under bill approved by Michigan Senate ". MLive . March 20, 2012. Retrieved on August 8, 2013.

^ "Sec. 609.341 MN Statutes" . www.revisor.mn.gov . Retrieved October 10, 2019 .

^ "Sec. 609.342 MN Statutes" . www.revisor.mn.gov . Retrieved October 10, 2019 .

^ "Sec. 609.343 MN Statutes" . www.revisor.mn.gov . Retrieved October 10, 2019 .

^ "Sec. 609.344 MN Statutes" . www.revisor.mn.gov . Retrieved October 10, 2019 .

^ "Sec. 609.345 MN Statutes" . www.revisor.mn.gov . Retrieved October 10, 2019 .

^ "Sec. 609.3451 MN Statutes" . www.revisor.mn.gov . Retrieved October 10, 2019 .

^ "§ 97-3-65. Statutory rape; enhanced penalty for forcible sexual intercourse or statutory rape by administering certain substances" . LexisNexis.com . Retrieved February 18, 2008 .

^ Jump up to: a b "Sexual Abuse Of Children (45-5-625)" . Montana Code Annotated 2019 . Montana State Legislature . Retrieved May 21, 2020 .

^ Jump up to: a b "Nebraska Legislature" . nebraskalegislature.gov .

^ Jump up to: a b c d " Statutory Rape: A Guide to State Laws and Reporting Requirements. Summary of Current State Laws. ". U.S. Department of Health and Human Services , December 15, 2014. Retrieved on May 15, 2016. "A common misperception about statutory rape is that state codes define a single age at which an individual can legally consent to sex. Only 12 states have a single age of consent, below which an individual cannot consent to sexual intercourse under any circumstances, and above which it is legal to engage in sexual intercourse with another person above the age of consent. For example, in Massachusetts, the age of consent is 16. In the remaining 39 states, other factors come into play: age differentials, minimum age of the victim, and minimum age of the defendant. Each is described below." - The mathematics does not add up in this section as there are 50 states, unless DC is counted as #51.

^ Jump up to: a b " Chapter 28 Section 805 ". Nebraska Legislature. Retrieved on May 15, 2016.

^ "Section 632-A: 3 Felonious Sexual Assault" . www.gencourt.state.nh.us . Retrieved October 10, 2019 .

^ "Section 632-A: 2 Aggravated Felonious Sexual Assault" . www.gencourt.state.nh.us . Retrieved October 10, 2019 .

^ "Section 632-A: 4 Sexual Assault" . www.gencourt.state.nh.us . Retrieved October 10, 2019 .

^ "2006 New Mexico Statutes - Section 30-9-11 — Criminal sexual penetration" . Justia Law . Retrieved October 10, 2019 .

^ "2006 New Mexico Statutes – Section 30-9-11 — Criminal sexual penetration" . Law.justia.com . Retrieved August 11, 2016 .

^ "New York Consolidated Laws, Penal Law - PEN" . Findlaw . Retrieved October 10, 2019 .

^ "General Statute Chapters - North Carolina General Assembly" . www.ncleg.gov . Retrieved October 10, 2019 .

^ Jump up to: a b "Ohio Age of Consent/Statutory Rape Fact Sheet" (PDF) . Ohio Alliance to End Sexual Violence . September 18, 2012 . Retrieved September 21, 2021 .

^ "Lawriter - ORC - 2907.04 Unlawful sexual conduct with minor" . codes.ohio.gov . Retrieved October 10, 2019 .

^ "Lawriter - ORC - 2907.03 Sexual battery" . codes.ohio.gov . Retrieved October 10, 2019 .

^ "Oklahoma Statutes § 21-1111. Rape defined" . Retrieved August 10, 2012 .

^ Jump up to: a b "Age of Consent in Oklahoma – Oklahoma Legal Group" . oklahomalegalgroup.com .

^ "Oklahoma Statutes § 21-1112. Age limitation on conviction for rape" . Retrieved August 10, 2012 .

^ Kuruvilla, Carol. " English teacher avoids jail after cops nab her in hotel room with 17-year-old student " ( Archive ). New York Daily News . Sunday March 29, 2014. Retrieved on October 5, 2014. "The age of consent in Oklahoma is 16. But because Queen was the teenager's teacher, different rules apply. According to state laws, a sexual act is considered rape if the victim is a student between 16 and 18 years of age and the suspect is an employee of the student's school system."

^ Jump up to: a b c d Boyer, Barbara. " Chester sex case points up questions A high school administrator has been charged with two misdemean
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