11 things women going through the menopause want you to know

From bladder weakness to night sweats, women talk about their real experiences of the menopause

The menopause can happen in many different ways and it can take a lot of adjustment. By our late 40s/early 50s we've finally started to feel like we know what we're doing, only for our bodies to throw a very hormonal spanner in the works.

While some symptoms are common, others are not. But they all take some time to understand and deal with. Here are 11 things women who are going through, or have been through, the menopause want you to know about the experience.

1. Claustrophobia

"Claustrophobia and panic attacks are all part of the menopause. I wish I'd known that it was normal."

Polly, 51, Bromsgrove

Heightened stress and shortness of breath often happen during perimenopause stage of the process. This is when your hormones begin to fluctuate significantly before your menstrual cycle ceases. If you do experience any anxiety or claustrophobia, you should raise the issue with your doctor, particularly if it begins to affect your choices and how you would normally behave.

2. Hair changes

"Your hair goes limp and your skin goes sallow so I started to take skin, hair and nail multivitamins. Basically your body is telling you that you are changing and giving you a wake-up call to do something about it."

Ashwinder, 53, Birmingham

Your hair responds to any hormonal changes in your body. It's why some women find a drop in their hair quality after childbirth too. The lack of, or sudden drop in, oestrogen can cause your hair to break easily and fall out. If you notice a considerable impact during the menopause, it's worth discussing HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) with your doctor.

3. Bladder weakness

"I started having a weak bladder after the birth of my second child; however, the real symptoms happened when I hit the menopause. I always enjoyed dancing, and with weight creeping in around the middle I decided to sign up to a dance for fitness class with a couple of girlfriends (also going through menopause).

"We enjoyed the class and had a good laugh trying to keep up with instructor and the younger crowd. But PMSL (pissing myself laughing) soon became just PMS (pissing myself), particularly if there was any jumping or heel lifting for that matter. I started using TENA Lady Discreet so that I can still have fun without worrying about any mishaps… I still enjoy the dance for fitness class, and PMSL."

Annie, 53, Edinburgh

A reduction in oestrogen levels during menopause can mean a weakening of the pelvic floor muscles - 47% of women experience bladder weakness as a symptom of the menopause*. However, this doesn't mean you can't still do the things you enjoy, with a little hidden help. TENA Lady Discreet pads are 20% thinner than previous pads, yet just as secure and use clever compressing microPROTEX ™ technology so they're still ultra-absorbent, offering total security, whatever you're doing.

You can also practice pelvic floor muscle exercises to support your bladder and bowel. GP and TENA Lady ambassador, Dr Hilary Jones, says: "First identify your pelvic muscles by stopping your flow of urine midstream. Remember what those muscles feel like when you contract them.

"Now sit comfortably and squeeze those muscles 10 to 15 times in a row whilst breathing normally and not contracting any other muscles. Each week hold the contractions for longer and practise them more frequently."

It will take a few months to see good results, but if you do your exercises regularly there should be a big difference.

4. Hot flushes

"Your hot flushes will have absolutely no regard for what you're doing. They hit anywhere at any time and I can't seem to find a trigger for mine.

"I carry a small bottle of very light cologne in my handbag to give myself a quick spray of cool liquid while everyone else presumes you're just freshening up. In reality, it cools you down and also allows you to mop up the excess cologne (read: sweat)."

Fiona, 62, Glasgow

According to the NHS, three out of four menopausal women will experience hot flushes. While the severity and frequency of them varies, it helps to avoid triggers like wearing tight clothing such as polo necks, drinking coffee and alcohol and eating spicy foods. If your day is totally dictated by overwhelming hot flushes, you should speak to your doctor to consider your options.

5. Night sweats

"It's not just hot flushes during the day. You'll wake up in the night in a puddle of sweat. I never thought I would see the day that I would be turning the heating completely off in my bedroom. On the plus side, I've saved a fortune!"

"Night sweats are an incredibly common part of going through the menopause", says sexual health expert Aly Dilks of Genesis Clinics. They can happen as a result of a drop in ferritin (a blood cell protein which helps you retain iron) levels as we get older. "Sometimes it's useful to add an iron tablet to your regime, even if you're not anaemic. It also helps to avoid sleeping in nylon bed covers. Try cotton instead and using a lower tog on your duvet," advises Dilks.

6. Dry skin

"Despite a lifelong, devoted daily body moisturising regime, my skin is slowly beginning to resemble crepe paper."

Elizabeth, 60, Lemington Spa

Dilks says "the lack of oestrogen, which also affects your hair, can strip the skin of essential moisture so it's important to keep yourself well hydrated, with limited alcohol and good moisturisers". Try adapting your regime to menopause specific products.

7. Vaginal dryness

"KY jelly is no longer just for the young 'uns."

Keri, 60, Liverpool

Vaginal dryness is a side effect that women going through the menopause often experience, but one many don't discuss due to the intimacy of the topic. "As we get older the shape of the epidermis within the vagina changes and can rub as oestrogen levels drop, causing dryness, UTIs and even bleeding," says Dilks. "As the tissue gets thinner sex can become more painful. There are natural remedies to help with this including Evening Primrose Oil capsules and topical creams," she adds.

8. Loss of libido

"Although my sex drive definitely took a big dive when I entered the menopause, having a lover who was more into the psychological dynamic really helped. Turning me on mentally before having intercourse was a real revelation and helped get me back into enjoying sex."

Suzanne, 56, London

Coupled with vaginal dryness, a loss of libido can impact your relationship and your confidence. The communication between you and your partner is key to making you feel more comfortable and attracted to the idea of sex. Allowing yourselves to be intimate in ways other than sex may help - take a bath together, kiss each other in new exploratory ways and focus on body parts you may not usually.

9. Irregular periods

"Your periods don't just stop. In the run-up to the menopause, I had really heavy periods that almost felt like my body was emptying out the debris prior to stopping all together."

Heather, 53, Colchester

"As we get older our PH levels can fluctuate leading to changes within the body," says Dilks. "This might mean your periods become heavier but less frequent. Over 40 you're only classed as post-menopause when your period has stopped for two years; this drops to one year in over 50s. To help with change you can be fitted with the Mirena coil that can stop periods, and if you're 45 or over it can be left in until you're 55. However, this doesn't stop the need for protection against sexual infections."

10. Anxiety/insomnia

"The most surprising side effect was anxiety and lack of sleep, which feed each other. Your ability to cope with everyday life dwindles and everything becomes much harder than it was before.

"I had no energy and felt like I had a cloud over me all the time. HRT really helped me out, but yoga also helped (especially with aching joints). I also took back some control by doing the 5:2 diet. On fasting days I feel like I've achieved something.

My best piece of advice is don't try to be the hero and say you're fine when you're not. Combat the menopause head on and take control by seeking the help you need. You will feel so much better than just accepting your lot."

Genevieve, 54, London

"Anxiety is one of the most common side effect for menopausal women," says Dilks. "It's due to a combination of factors but can be controlled by prescribed anti-anxiety medication and natural herbal remedies such as Evening Primrose Oil. These natural treatments can interfere with any prescription medication though, so it's important to see a doctor before making any considerable changes."

11. Fatigue

"That the tiredness you felt during menopause can often remain, therefore it is absolutely OK to have an afternoon power nap, lie down or put your feet up with a book - this does not mean you are turning into your parents - it just means that you are looking after yourself."

Sarah, 60, Guildford

Menopausal fatigue can impact both mind and body, and is often linked to other symptoms like insomnia and night sweats. Again, the main cause is a change in hormone levels, like oestrogen, progesterone, thyroid and adrenal hormones which help regulate your energy. Discuss this with your doctor, who may recommend HRT.

If you are experiencing menopause symptoms like bladder weakness and want to have peace of mind and triple protection against leaks, odour and moisture trial the new TENA Lady Discreet range by ordering a free sample online.

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