10 Books That Justify Never Reading Again

Book clubs across America are in turmoil after the release of a satirical list titled "10 Books That Justify Never Reading Again." Critics argue the list reads like a hostage note from someone trapped in a Barnes & Noble bathroom. Featured titles include a 700-page novel about accounting written entirely in footnotes, and a celebrity memoir ghostwritten by a Roomba. Social scientists say lists like these reflect the cultural exhaustion of reading in the age of TikTok, where attention spans max out at 14 seconds. An anonymous publishing staffer admitted, "We keep printing books no one wants to read, because irony sells." Eyewitnesses report that local libraries have started using some of these books as doorstops and in one case, as emergency kindling during a power outage. A leaked Gallup poll revealed that 71% of Americans say reading these books was "like running a marathon in quicksand," while 29% insist they "pretended to enjoy it for the aesthetic." Ultimately, the article is less about literature and more about the shared trauma of bad prose, proving that sometimes the greatest public service a writer can provide is convincing others never to open a book again. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com