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From 1st Phones To Online Porn: Answers To Your Screen Time Questions NPR's Life Kit answers parents' questions about their kids' screen use. Education consultant Ana Homayoun says it's all about empowering your kids to make good decisions when you're not around.


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When I was growing up, my grandmother was full of wise sayings about iPad time: "A Twitch or Vine wastes time." "The family that plays Super Mario 3D World together stays together."
This story comes from Life Kit , NPR's family of podcasts to help make life better — covering everything from exercise to raising kids to making friends. For more, sign up for the newsletter and follow @NPRLifeKit on Twitter .
Oh, wait — no, she wasn't. And I bet your grandma didn't have a lot to say about TikTok feuds or lewd GIFs or Snapchat interrupting homework either. None of that stuff was common back in her day. That leaves parents like me struggling to make good decisions in a technology landscape that sometimes moves as fast as, well, Super Mario 3D World.
"I always say, it takes a village to raise children; it takes an online village to help keep them safe," says Ana Homayoun, an education consultant in Silicon Valley and author of several books, including Social Media Wellness . NPR's Life Kit asked for her thoughts on questions we got from listeners around the U.S. about parenting and digital technology.
When should kids get their first phone?
My son, who's 11, is about to start middle school. He doesn't have a cellphone yet. When do I get a cellphone? What kind of cellphone does he get? — Jill Kelsey, mother of two (11 and 8), Greenville, S.C.
Homayoun recommends you consider three things when getting a child a first phone:
1. Circumstances: Why does the child need a phone? Why does the child want a phone? Is it for safety or social reasons?
2. Maturity: This is about your individual child — don't go by just age or grade. How do they respond to something when it doesn't go as planned? Are they impulsive? Do they take care of their belongings?
How do I help my child handle cyberbullying?
Again, from Jill Kelsey: I know social media can be a tough place for girls. So how do I help [my daughter] navigate that?
Homayoun says don't pretend you have all the answers. Instead, admit to your lack of knowledge and listen to your kids.
"I am so open with my students when I'm clueless," she says. "I'm like, 'Really? Really? That is what's going on?' But then they're like, 'Yeah, let me tell you more and let me explain this to you,' because they are the imparters of knowledge in that situation. And the roles are reversed, and that empowers them."
Homayoun recommends a strategy she calls "rehearsing the parting line": Help a kid come up with a script so they know what to say when someone says something mean online or shares a video or photo that makes them feel uncomfortable.
For example, a kid could say, "My mom checks my phone, so please don't send me that kind of stuff." Or "Can we talk about this in person later?"
How do I talk to my kid about online porn?
I can tell you that when I was his age, I was definitely looking, trying to get pornography any way I could. ... But to have the app so accessible, you know, in the palm of his hand, day in and day out, to us as parents, it's really unnerving. — JD, father of four, including a 14-year-old son (we're not using his full name to protect the family's privacy), Moscow, Idaho
Whether you object to pornography on religious grounds or are concerned about how it portrays women, Homayoun says you need to be the one to start the conversation.
A child might be interested in porn for many reasons, from simple curiosity to exploring an LGBT identity, she says. You need to ask — and listen — to find out.
"Kids really want to talk about this stuff," Homayoun says. "They are going online because they're looking for answers that for some reason they're not getting in real life."
If you need more motivation, a study from Texas Tech University found that the more parents talked about pornography with their middle-school-aged children — not necessarily condemning it wholesale, just sharing their values — the less those children viewed pornography when they went to college. It also had a less-negative impact on their self-esteem if their partners viewed pornography.
How do I help them balance homework with screen use?
My oldest had some issues just managing how much he was using the iPad. ... It would look like he was doing his homework, and it was literally taking him all night and sometimes the next morning to get his homework done. ... I had told him if you just finish your homework, we'll give you an hour of screen time afterward. ... It just wasn't clicking for him. — Tammy Bristol, mother of two (11 and 9), Downers Grove, Ill.
For boys that age, says Homayoun, "we really want to build intrinsic motivation around developing better habits, and we want them to be part of the conversation around self-regulation."
Don't forever be the enforcer who has to breathe down your kids' necks to get them to accomplish their goals, she says. Instead, break up focused work into chunks: 15 minutes followed by three- to five-minute breaks. Make a game of it; see how fast they can get the homework done and how much they understand it.
"We have students in high school that start from 15 minutes and work their way up so they can do 45 minutes without taking a break, and then they take a 15- to 20-minute break," Homayoun explains.
Whether the issue is porn, homework or something else, Homayoun has one important reminder: Parents need to understand the signs of problematic overuse.
"If your child is gaming and can't stop and it's affecting everyday living — like it's affecting hygiene, it's affecting moodiness, it's affecting basic eating and behavioral habits that are important — that could be a sign of problematic overuse," she says.
And bring any concerns to a pediatrician or other professional.
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Women react after watching porn for the first time — Watch video here
Have you ever wondered how people react after watching porn for the first time? BuzzFeed decided to find out. Well here is a video, where a couple of women decide to break their Porn virginity together. The video captures the reactions of a bunch of women, who claim to watch porn for the first time. It could well be fake but the video is entertaining nonetheless. Buzzfeed always comes up with such videos, capturing people’s reaction of their first-time experience of various quirky things. (Also watch- Playboy magazine: What happens when women read Playboy magazine for the first time?) Also Read - India BLOCKS 45 Videos From 10 YouTube Channels For Spreading 'Lies' Against Agneepath
According to the Pew Research Center, in 2013 a survey revealed that only 8 per cent of women viewed porn online. These three women seem to come under the bracket of the aforementioned number. Buzzfeed has got them to watch porn for the very first time and has shared their reactions with us. Although they were never curious about the idea of watching porn, here they are, watching porn from a different time era and reacting to it. Watch their amusement and funny reactions in the YouTube video below: Also Read - WhatsApp Ventures Into Film-Making Business, To Premiere First Original On Prime Video
For breaking news and live news updates, like us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter and Instagram . Read more on Latest News on India.com .
Published Date: April 6, 2015 5:47 PM IST
Copyright © 2022. INDIADOTCOM DIGITAL PRIVATE LIMITED. All Rights Reserved.

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We discussed porn on the show today - what age you were when you first saw it and whether you feel it can damage a child and distort their relationship with sex.
We asked you on the show today what age you were when you first saw porn and whether you feel it 'damaged' you. We spoke to 'Amy' who told us how she first watched porn when she was 11 after finding videos in her dad's sock drawer! She feels it did her no harm:
"I Watched Porn For The First Time When I Was 11, It Didn't Damage Me"
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