Why?

It is currently almost 11 pm. I have work tomorrow for the first time in awhile. It’s gonna be crazy. I’m in my feelings tonight. I hate that I get this way. It’s just so hard to stop it sometimes. It’s like standing on the tracks and a train hitting you right in the heart. I moved in with my bestfriend (yes the same friend the last one was about) a couple weeks back and ever since I feel like our friendship has changed so much. Not to mention since I moved in she got a girl. I think that makes it harder? I have no clue anymore. Normally it doesn’t bother me but like she’s so clingy. Don’t get me wrong I love her. She’s an amazing person but some part of me feel like the niceness she shows toward me is fake. Like a couple of minutes ago I found a note book and I’m it was a sentence. It said “after they go to their jobs maybe we can have some alone time?” And I don’t know why but this angered me. Like you have her all the fucking time. We her friends are the ones that never get alone time with her. Not to mention you’re so far up her ass it’s crazy. I love them both but I think my feelings for my friend contradicte how I want to feel and how I actually act. It’s been rough. But I’m trying to be supportive because all I want is for her to be happy but I can’t help to feel like I’m being abandon. Natalie doesn’t even talk to me anymore. I legit have to ask her gf if everything is okay. Like are you serious. You get a love life and now I’m pushed to the side? The person whose been there for you no matter what? It’s crazy lmao. I don’t even know how to explain it anymore man. Shit is totally crazy. I just don’t even know what to do anymore. I don’t wanna go back home but I feel like I’m not wanted here anymore and even though she tells me that’s not true. Actions speak louder than words. And her actions are speaking. LOUDLY. May a higher power help me. Because honestly what even am I here for anymore??? 🤦🏻‍♀️