Why?

life is short and we all know that. But what we don't know is how short is it for each one of us, for some of us it could be just a few days left and some might still have a few years to go.

Anyways, we all have life experiences that we went through alone and never dared to mention to anyone. We were too scared to tell our families about those terrible experiences because either we cared for them or we knew they would blame us for that.

I never felt I belonged to this world, I had to put every day so much effort just to stay alive, my brain kept asking why do we have to even live? Trying to trick your mind every day ain't easy. Trust me it is terrifying. Imagine one day you suddenly run out of tricks or excuses and your brain wins in convincing you that life is not worth living. Just imagine your mind wins in manipulating you to accept that death is the best idea. Imagine you have no one to pull you out of this zone and suddenly you are gone.

My mind is a dark hole, I try my best to not be alone, I know whenever I am alone my dark thoughts surround me and once they succeed in pulling me into its depths then coming out of that hell is tough. I personally have to bribe my mind to get out of those scary zones. I still have the scars on my body that reminds me of the times when I had to trick my mind into believing that was going to kill myself . I know it might not make any sense, but I am not lying.

Just to divert the mental attention I used to cut myself. I don't expect anyone to believe in my words but I know what kind of hell I am in right now. The worst part is that the villain in my story is also me. I sometimes feel like I am not alone in my head. anyways, I will keep living till the day my mind finally wins.

why alive ?