Former New Zealand PM John Key tees off at Lake Karrinyup Country Club in Perth this week. OPINION: My finger twitched, as it is wont to do late of an evening, causing a group of peculiarly clothed men to appear on the television set. Well, that's golf for you. And then our former prime minister John Key appeared on screen.The great leader was dressed like an ice cream salesman and if a kangaroo had hopped by in the background, done up in plus fours and a tam-o-shanter, you honestly wouldn't have noticed.Key had on his head a bright blue cap, with the words ISPS Handa on it.READ MORE * Daly's putter toss defence * Pity poor Tiger * PM's ponytail pull labelled sexistHe was wearing a bright blue shirt with the words ISPS Handa on it. And if the camera had panned down, which mercifully it didn't, old cottonmouth, the world's greatest pusher of snake oil, would doubtless have been seen sporting a pair of bright blue ISPS pantaloons.I think it was Robin Williams who once said, "Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it."
And here was our great leader, flying at us straight out of the sun, pimping his way round Western Australia and getting away with it.The prime minister's chair is still luke warm and already the Keyla Monster is flicking his tongue hither and thither and selling for all he is worth.Looking straight into the camera, with that note of barstool buddiness and slightly dyslexic charm, Key said, "Well, it looks super exciting to be here in Perth for the ISPS World Super Six. This is just a fantastic new and exciting format."My head paused for a moment. What was a fantastic new and exciting format. Was it the golf? Or was it Key, himself, who was the fantastic new and exciting format, a prime minister who would now busk on the airwaves and fairways for any guy or girl who caught his fancy.But there was more: "Come that last day we're into match play so you'll be glued to the television watching it. And delighted to be associated with ISPS Handa. They've got an association with golf all around the world, but particularly here in Australia and New Zealand and doing some fantastic things for promoting blind and disabled golf, so stay tuned to the TV.
You're going to thoroughly enjoy it."Did the prime minister - sorry ex prime minister, although I still can't remember Bill English's name - really just tell us to stay tuned to the TV? And who is delighted to be associated with ISPS Handa, is it us or him? Key only resigned as PM two months ago. Even Tony Blair waited a bit longer than that before hawking himself around the world. Who's zoomin who, here?But perhaps Key's association with ISPS Handa is not as odd as it seems. The ISPS bit of the name stands for International Sports Promotion Society. The Handa bit of the organisation is where things get really interesting.Handa is a 66-year-old Japanese bloke called Haruhisa Handa.As a child he used to try to catch flies with chopsticks, a learned skill that may have helped him to persuade Key to join the party, cult, company, whatever.Handa made a lot of money out of stationery. Then he made a lot of money out of a lot of other things. Then he made up his own religious faction, called World Mate, based on shintoism which rather handily allowed Handa to be his own god.
There was a bit of awkwardness around claims of sexual harassment and tax evasion, but isn't there always when you're out to save the world.Then Handa became an operatic tenor and a ballet dancer and a composer and a conductor.He very generously gives to a number of arts programmes and is sometimes kind enough to turn up and conduct his own music or sing a tune or two.He once sang his own arrangement of 'Ave Maria' for the Pope and confides, "He was very impressed."A musical performance in London was less well received.The critic Ian Buruma wrote in the Guardian: "Last Saturday I was taken by an Italian friend to the worst musical performance I have ever heard in public.In the lovely hall of St John's, Smith Square, the excellent English Chamber Orchestra, conducted by Robin Stapleton, went through a selection of popular opera arias, four of them sung by a plump Japanese businessman and spiritual self-help entrepreneur by the name of Haruhisa Handa."Looking a bit like a cheesy entertainer on a Caribbean cruise, Handa growled and mumbled his way through Mozart, Bellini and Wagner.
As the grand finale, the ECO played Continent of Mu, composed by Handa himself. To call this spectacle mediocre would not do justice to this remarkable occasion."Those of us who worry that there may be more of this sort of thing will be startled by Handa's conviction that he has a lifeline of 20,000 years.But what do you do if the man's heart is partly in the right place, probably because he has never grown up and retains the egomaniacal enthusiasm of a toddler. Do you applaud while the blind apparently leads the blind?Handa after all is investing quite a lot of money into New Zealand golf and football and blind and disabled sport. Steven Joyce tell us that such activities will bind New Zealand and Japan "and therefore draw the investment and engagement together and that's really the aim of what we're doing."Handa believes that sports "promote world peace."Who knows what Key believes in, although certainly investment in himself and engagement of us seem near to top of the list. But surely the honourable member for Helensville did not have to dress up in a sailor suit and demean the office of prime minister in quite such a shameless way.
Handa said recently, "Politicians are very boring persons. But he cannot have meant John Key, a man who is currently doing such fine constituency work in Western Australia.The honourable member is, after all, a 'patron' of Handa's company. The trouble is, after hearing Key speak on Thursday night, I am not sure whom he is patronising.By using this site you agree to the use of cookies. If you’re looking for value for money storage solutions and great value furniture, come in and view our range of flat pack furniture. Simply take home and assemble yourself - job done! Tidy up that cluttered corner or make over a room. From bookcases to bar stools, we have it all, at the lowest prices every day. Check out some of our feature products below and visit your nearest store to see our full range. Name (A - Z) Name (Z - A) Price (Low > High) Price (High > Low) Model (A - Z) Model (Z - A) 1 Drawer Bedside Table 2 Door 2 Drawer Wardrobe 2 Drawer Hall Table