See more like thisIs there anything worse than lying spread-eagle on your ob-gyn's examining table—feet in stirrups, body in paper gown, speculum inserted? Yep: Being in that same situation with a gyno who isn't following the rules. (Want to pick up some healthier habits? Sign up to get daily healthy living tips and more delivered straight to your inbox!) The last thing you want is to be in such a vulnerable position, at the mercy of a physician who doesn't have the utmost respect for you and your body. Here are 10 red flags that trusted gynecologists agree should have you closing your legs and heading for the door. They have a one-size-fits-all approach. You know how everyone has a specific fingerprint? The same goes for your vagina—and your gynecologist should cater your screenings to your own specific needs. "Pap smear screenings aren't supposed to be the same for everyone—they're based on age, risk factors, and history of abnormal pap smears," says Jennifer Ashton, MD, a board-certified ob-gyn and cohost of The Doctors.
As of right now, the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) recommends a pap smear every 3 years for women ages 30 to 65, or every 5 years if that pap smear is paired with an HPV test. The personalization also extends to mammograms (though some women may choose to start sooner, the current recommendations are for biennial tests starting at age 50). They're stuck in the stone—er, metal—age. If you've noticed lately that your speculum isn't a cold, scary, metal device anymore, then your doc's office is probably pretty up to date with technology and cleanliness. The plastic tools are disposable and therefore not reused (no sanitation worries!). (Here are 10 of the most germy hot spots you touch everyday.) Modern offices will also likely have 3-D mammogram capabilities, amniocentisis technologies, high-resolution ultrasound machines, and even electronic record-keeping. These are definitely the gold standard of gynecologic care, and while you may like the small-town feel of your local ob-gyn, you may need to go elsewhere to get the most bang for your buck, suggests Alyssa Dweck, MD, gynecologist and assistant clinical professor at Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai.
"If they have to send you elsewhere for testing, it's not necessarily horrible, but if you're looking for the most up-to-date care, you want those capabilities," Dweck says. They keep everything hush-hush. We don't expect a hair stylist to provide commentary as she snips our split ends, but if your gyno is poking around down there without saying a peep, it can be cause for concern. "Before any test or procedure or instrument insertion, a patient should be told exactly what's happening—even if it's just pap smears and cultures," Ashton says. Basically, you never want to leave your doc's office wondering, What the heck just went on down there? They don't care about your sex life. The vagina's really only used for a few things—so if your doc isn't covering all her bases (as in asking about your sex life), then some alarms should be going off in your head. "It's absolutely part of a gynecologist's job during a preventative exam to ask and inquire about sexual health," says Dweck.
Pain during sex, ability to orgasm, an underactive libido—sex isn't just about a woman's communication with her vagina, it's about her overall well-being. "It's really important to general health and can be an insight into other things that could be going on," Dweck says. They treat your exam like a solo mission. Here's something that might surprise you: Your gynecologist should always have another person in the room during your examination for your protection and theirs. "Regardless of whether the gynecologist is a man or a woman, there should be a chaperone in the room—a medical assistant or nurse—to protect both of you," Ashton says. Think about it: You're lying on the table with your most private anatomy exposed. If the doctor says anything inappropriate (or vice versa), there won't be any he-said-she-said business. If it's just the two of you in the room, and you would prefer another set of eyes, feel free to ask your doc. On the flip side, if you feel like three's a crowd in the exam room, your gyno should also respect your wishes to have a private exam.
They weren't clear about how you'll get your results. She should be clear about how you're going to hear from her with your test results. "Whatever system your doctor's office has in place should be clearly explained to the patient," Dweck says. So if your doctor plays by the "no news is good news" rules, she should clearly state that if she doesn't contact you, your pap smear is considered normal. They tell you to suck it up. OK, they probably won't be that blunt, but if your doctor discounts your pain at all—even a little bit—it's time to get a new one. "Patients know their bodies best, and if they're feeling something out of the ordinary, their complaints should be taken seriously," Dweck says. (Here are 6 things your partner knows about your health before you do.) You shouldn't have to fight to explain your own pain—take it from Lena Dunham. So if you feel like your gynecologist is irresponsibly dismissing your concerns, look elsewhere. They don't cover all your options.
By now, you know that birth control options don't stop at the Pill, so if your gynecologist's birth control recommendations stop there, it's a bad sign. The same can be said for women looking to get a hysterectomy, says Ashton. "If a woman's gynecologist recommends a hysterectomy, she should lay out all the options—even the ones she doesn't perform herself," Ashton says. Treatments for menopause are also varied and should be completely explained—including the controversial hormone therapy. "Certainly there are some doctors who feel less comfortable prescribing HT, but there's definitely a place for it with the right patient. If a doctor really dismisses it and the patient remains interested, they should seek out other opinions," Dweck says. They don't think you need a second opinion. It's your right as a patient—scratch that, a human being—to be totally sure about any exam, diagnosis, or procedure your doctor suggests. Sometimes that means getting a second (or third) opinion, but if your doc tries to dissuade you from getting one, that's a definite red flag.