Lego bricks are generally awesome, and by all accounts The Lego Movie, opening this weekend, is as well. So we thought we'd make sure the folks at Lego didn't get too full of themselves by reminding the world of the worst toys, figures and building sets they've unleashed upon the world. JUST NO. I have no idea what possessed a single Lego engineer to create this cast-off from the Island of Dr. Moreau, let alone what made the company release it on an unsuspecting world. Or why they thought the two white round bricks underneath the nose-piece would represent two buck teeth and not some kind of abnormal growth. All I know is that all of these decisions were made in hate and fury. I put this is in quotes, because as you can see, while Lego assures us that this 1997 set is of a fire truck, it clearly looks nothing likeOh, it's red, and it is a vehicle, but that's pretty much where And what good is a completely bizarre fire truck without an
equally bizarre fire chief? Admittedly, this fire chief is too good to ride on the truck with his peons, and has his own mini-vehicle, without doors or even sides, to travel on. He also has his own little hose for… little fires? he's out fighting fires by himself? Because all the other Lego firemen think Call me crazy, but I think I'm got a pretty good idea how the robber could break into this bank. Or out, I guess. they behind the bars or in front of them? Is this guy trying to break into to access an ATM, or is he trying to get the endless void on the other side? either case, this thing sucks. Back in 1979, Lego created Fabuland, a line full of anthropomorphic animals, as sort of an intermediary set between Duplos andThey're kind of terrifying, like if Hunter S. Thompson had designed a toddler's Lego line while high on mescaline. But nothing is more chilling that The Fabuland Big Band set, featuring Peter Pig and Gabriel Gorilla.
monsters would listen to a band consisting of nothing but a drummer and tuba 6) Star Wars Final Duel IIYes, now you can recreate the thrilling action of Luke Skywalker's final duel with Darth Vader and the Emperor by… watching him walk down the hallway to his final duel with Darth Vader and the Emperor? long as he walks no more than four steps, because that's all the hallway In 1998, Lego introduced their K'nex-like building sets called Znap, because Zs make everything cooler. Indeed, the line wasn't overall bad — most of the kits looked all right, an they had crazy things like a Dino-Jet a giant ant along with the hover-subs and other vehicles. this piece of crap — which Lego tried to pass off as a "Jet-Car" — even more 8) Jack Stone Red Flash StationOkay, Lego, now you're not even fucking trying. Remember back in the early '00s, when Lego started trying to make sports games out of Legos? One of the earliest catastrophes was the NHL
Slammer Stadium, in which sentient giant head statues from Easter Island played a rousing game of hockey. But what's worse is the rink itself — a flimsy cardboard rink, surrounded by an even flimsier wall. If only Lego has some kind of more durable building material to work with! Horse and Clara Cow's Ice Cream Shoppe Another Fabuland set, obviously, begging a very disturbing question: Where does Clara get the milk to make the ice cream? Well before Lego Friends, Lego tried to reach girls with Belville set, a 1994 series which focused more on figures and playsets moreThe problem was the figures were godawful and the sets were a weird mix of fairy tale stuff and standard, mundane doll activities. Lego exhausted the traditional beauty salons and stables, they threw together this — sure, an interior designer is a pretty progressive progression for a doll to have in the '90s, but it kind of undercuts the message when her design
equipment consists of a stand-alone sink, a bathtub (the hell?) and a brush. can think of a sadder image than a girl trying to brush her ugly, tiny doll's plastic hair helmet, please let me know. I wasn't lying about the dolls. If Artoo had a skeleton, this is what it would look like. Lego couldn't be bothered to make a single piece that would prevent him fromFeel free to insert a C-3PO/Phantom Menace "I'm naked!" joke here, if you're a bad person. 14) Jack Stone Fire Response SUVDoes no one at Lego know what a goddamn firetruck looksOr an SUV, for that matter? In 2002, Lego had big plans for a new toyline call Galidor. They were so confident that they ordered a CG cartoon and had it on the air, about two teens named Nick and Allegra who are transported to an alien world threatened by evil aliens. It didn't do well at all, and I'm confident it wasn''t helped by this promotional figure of Nick, which looked like Chinese bootleg
toy assembled by the blind and then stuck in a microwave for a while. makes Prince Justin look like Ryan Gosling. Peter Pig has murdered the sentient Turkey man of Fabuland and eaten him, or at least plans to.In celebration of the LEGO Star Wars Visual Dictionary and the 10 Year Anniversary of LEGO and Star Wars’ beautiful marriage, I hereby give you my top ten coolest LEGO Star Wars sets. Don’t agree with my choices? Let me know in the comments, or forever hold your peace. It may not be the most exciting vehicle from the Star Wars Trilogy, but the Sandcrawler is a pretty impressive beast, especially in LEGO form. This set came with 11 minifigs, including Owen Lars (pre-burn-victim), R2-D2, C-3PO, three Jawas, and a bunch of droids. The middle compartment lifts out, and it even has a tiny cockpit for a Jawa driver. So it only takes one Jawa to drive this thing? Part of the Ultimate Collector Series ($$$), the Imperial Star Destroyer boasts an impressive 3,104 LEGO pieces, is three feet long, and even comes with a scale model of the Tantive IV so you can play tractor beam.
I’m not much into the non-minifig-scale sets, but I had to include this because of its sheer scale. This is a new set, so you can still get it while it’s hot. This would be in my collection basically just so I could recreate Admiral Ackbar’s famous “It’s a trap!” line over and over. It has the bridge of Ackbar’s ship, complete with a holographic model of the Death Star, and an A-Wing fighter. Oh, and its got Mon Mothma. Return of the Jedi may be my third favorite original trilogy film, but I still love it. This is another new set, and runs around $90 on Amazon, but looks totally worth it. It comes with a Chewie-driven AT-ST, Imperial Bunker, two Scout Troopers on speeder bikes, an Ewok catapult and glider, and more! I saw this one the other day and almost grabbed it. As if my dream of owning any kind of toy incarnation of an AT-AT isn’t enough, this LEGO set actually walks. The Motorized Walking AT-AT may actually be cooler than the standard action figure AT-AT that I’ve always wanted looming over my desk.
I don’t have any experience with building motorized LEGO sets, so I’m going to assume that it is harder than building a normal set, so it would take me days to finish this. It takes me a half hour just to find the piece I need, but I digress. Finally, a set I can afford! I love the Mos Eisley Cantina set because it features one of the classic (and infamous) scenes in Star Wars history; Han solo shooting Greedo. Which do you prefer, Han shooting first, or do you think that makes him seem like a murderer? Have it your way, heck, you could have Greedo spontaneously combust for all I care. The only bad thing about this set is that it doesn’t include the full Cantina, including the band. This one tops a lot of lists I’ve seen, and rightly so, because it’s pretty awesome. It has 360 degrees of Death Star cutaway goodness, including a lot of scenes from A New Hope. It has 24 minifigs, including the trash compactor monster! Here’s some more features. It’s a fairly new set, so if you’ve got the cash laying around, you can pick it up for around $400 on Amazon or your local mega-store.
The Tantive IV is of course the ship that is making a mad dash to get away from the Star Destroyer at the beginning of A New Hope, and for that reason it’s a spaceship that’s ingrained in a lot of people’s memory. There have been a couple different versions of this ship in LEGO form, but I like this new one the best. It’s way too expensive for me to ever own it, but if I had my choice out of any LEGO Star Wars set, it’d be my third pick. Along with the Mos Eisley Cantina, this is a set I could actually afford if it was still around. Why is a X-Wing Fighter my number two pick? It intends to recreate the scene in The Empire Strikes Back where Luke lands on Dagobah and meets Yoda, so it includes Yoda’s hut! I know he lived in a tree, but come on, that hut is pretty cool! Yoda even clips on to Luke’s back for some Jedi training in LEGO form. All this set needs is a stick for Yoda to beat R2-D2 with and it would be perfect. Sorry if this is an obvious choice, but the Ultimate Collector’s Millennium Falcon is my top choice for the coolest set ever.