the lego movie looks stupid

the lego movie looks stupid

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The Lego Movie Looks Stupid

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Nothing is more invigorating than getting extremely angry at someone on the internet, which is why we purposely created “Kara Goldberg,” a fake author who dislikes everything you love. Can you feel your blood boiling? We don’t like it either.My name is Kara Goldberg and I hated The Lego Movie. Shockingly, everyone loved it, but it’s a bad movie and people are stupid for liking it. Point-by-point, I am going to tell you why. Point: It Wanted Me To Like It From that Nyan Cat rip-off character to the quirky Abraham Lincoln references, this movie was DESPERATE for me to like it. It’s sugary, it’s twee, it’s overly-optimistic. And it looooves being that way. “But Kara, why are you being such a grouch about the movie being so nice?” Because I don’t buy it. Warner Brothers didn’t make The Lego Movie to inspire kindness and joy in others. It made The Lego Movie to make money. If you truly believe Warner Brothers cares about anything other than the bottom line, you’re as dumb as this scene.




Here’s my impression of the executive who made The Lego Movie:“Hmm… what will make people like this movie? I know, put Batman in it. People think that liking Batman is so special and nerdy. Let’s add cameos by The Green Lantern and other comic book characters so the trolls will give us a good review on SpoiledTomatoes Dot Com!!!!” I mean, just look at the cast: the producers all sat around at a table and thought, “Hm… which celebrities is everyone obsessed with? You know, the ones everyone is making single-serving Tumblrs of on the internet?” I mean for chrissakes they put Morgan Freeman in it. Chris Pratt, Will Ferrell, and Elizabeth Banks, are you kidding me? They are PANDERING TO YOU. If you liked this movie it’s because you were too dumb to see that it’s because Warner Brothers pumped it full of PROCESSED WHITE POP-CULTURE SUGAR and shoved it down your throat. It’s a sheisty, money-hungry move and I saw right through it. Cats + Unicorns + Legos + Batman + Ghosts + Pirates + Astronauts = $$$$$$$!!!!




The whole world went crazy for The Lego Movie, and The Lego Movie couldn’t be happier about it. Right now the producers of this film are all jerking themselves off in their jacuzzis, putting on face lotion made from stem cells, and cackling at all of us. The Lego Movie is what happens when you take Toy Story 2 and cut its balls off. Toy Story at least had some darkness and depth to it. Woody has a beautifully developed character with jealousy and control issues. As opposed to the protagonist in this monstrosity… Emmet is, literally, a dumb piece of brick with no redeeming qualities. Why am I supposed to like him? Please tell me, because as far as I can see, he has done nothing but NOTHING to deserve my support. Oh, people are mean to him, you say? People are mean to everyone. Maybe there’s a REASON everyone in the Lego universe is mean to Emmet, you ever think of that? Why did we just assume that literally everyone else in this world is wrong and Emmet is right? Emmet is bad at his job and a non-contributing member of society.




You know what happens when we encounter that person in the real world? Republicans scorn them and call them a freeloader who’s taking advantage of welfare. We like Emmet for the same reasons we like dogs: because they don’t have opinions that might force us to think about anything. Trust me, I would have preferred watching a Dalmatian take a poo. Point: It’s An Ad This movie is a 2-hour-long commercial that they made you PAY to watch. Congratulations, you fell for it. Point: You Hear The Celebrities, Not the Characters I’m not a martian. I understand that you need celebrities to sell your movie. None of these actors even tried changing their voices even the TINIEST of bits. Every time Emmet spoke I pictured Chris Pratt wearing a baseball cap talking into a microphone in a glass booth. I could feel Elizabeth Banks turning the pages of her script as she read the dialogue. It made the characters completely unbelievable and prevented me from immersing myself in the film.




Same deal with the rest of them. They made no effort whatsoever to change their voices, only FURTHER proving my point that the directors of the movie WANTED people to know, so badly, that they had “cool” celebrities in their movie. Point: I Liked The Lego Movie Better When It Was Called The Matrix We’ve seen this story a hundred times. Average white man has an average white life when one day, a woman comes from out of nowhere and tells him he’s special and so he goes off with her to save the world from imminent danger, ultimately finding out that he’s better than everyone at everything even though 24 hours ago he was a total bozo, and then saves the world and gets the girl at the end as his “prize.” Please, take my money. This movie doesn’t just take its ideas from The Matrix. The Lego Movie steals its Will Ferrell villain character from OTHER WILL FERRELL VILLAIN CHARACTERS. Oh crap, it’s Thursday and we forgot to come up with a character for Will Ferrell!!




Let’s just recycle the exact same roles he’s already done. NO ONE WILL NOTICE.(Image via Warner Brothers, Paramount) This movie made me smile once. When it finally ended. It’s a re-hashed, fluffy version of The Matrix. And to prove this point even further, I give you: Everything is NOT awesome. That thing you love? You're now signed up to get the AA newsletter every week.By “The LEGO Movie” is obliterating the competition, with its 95 percent positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes and an expected $69.1 million in domestic ticket sales on opening weekend. I myself succumbed to the buzz, taking my children to a packed 2:40 PM Sunday showing at the local cineplex.The movie begins in Bricksburg, where all media, business, and government are controlled by the Octan Energy Corporation. The Bricksburgers are all rule-followers who love “President Business,” the embodiment of crony capitalism who runs the whole show. Under his iron-fist rule, everyone follows the instructions at home and work, enforced by cheery “I’ve got my eye on you!” advertisements and surveillance cameras.




The world’s free thinkers — known as master builders — are President Business’ greatest threat. These are the mini-figurines who reject the cultural and legal norms enforced by President Business. They are caught via a massive surveillance and military system and locked up against their will. One of the rule-following citizens is a perfectly boring chap named “Emmet,” a construction worker on a team that destroys interesting and unique buildings and replaces them with brutal and uniform office structures.One day Emmet spies free-thinking hipster “WyldStyle” breaking some rules and digging through some bricks. Following her, he ends up discovering an important item that might be able to thwart President Business’ evil plans. The movie has easily one of the most palatable dystopian settings ever presented to children, made more accessible by its fidelity to LEGO limitations and style.The film is being presented by fans and detractors as anti-business. Here’s FOX Business:If you don’t want to watch, a few highlights from the panel discussion:“The LEGO Movie” is latest example of Hollywood’s anti-business agenda ….




It feels a little bit more threatening when they start to push this out to our kids … the Head of a corporation is an easy target … embed anti-capitalist messages … Hollywood has been long dominated by far left, very anti-capitalist.But it wasn’t just the capitalists at FOX Business who are discussing President Business. You have, for instance, noted anti-capitalist Michael Moore:Yes, I really mean this: “The Lego Movie” is hilarious, smart, satirical/political (the President’s name is “President Business”) & fun. President Business is the Lego Ceaușescu, if you swap the communism for capitalism.And BuzzFeed’s Hunter Schwarz weighed in:There’s a bad guy in the Lego movie named President Business who’s voiced by Will Ferrell and looks like Mitt Romney. /UwGSVyL6rQ“The LEGO Movie” isn’t just pro-business. There might not be a more classically liberal film in the history of film-makingInsofar as LEGO figurines look like humans, President Business also happens to look exactly like …




Will Ferrell, which might mean more in the context of him voicing that part, but don’t worry about that. Let’s think for a moment about whether a movie that is literally a 1-hour, 40-minute commercial for LEGO product is really anti-business. I’ll answer that one for you by telling you what my 4-year-old said the moment we got home: “I’m going to play with my LEGOs!” This is not an anti-business film. It’s almost creepy how pro-business it is, in fact!“The LEGO Movie” isn’t just pro-business. It’s also about the importance of hard work, creativity, ownership, innovation and human dignity. There might not be a more classically liberal film in the history of film-making, when it’s all said and done.Yes, it really is anti-crony capitalism, which only furthers the classically liberal message. Even if the big corporate interests in this country prefer thwarting competition via massive legislation, onerous regulations and other barriers to entry over the risks of a free-wheeling market, cronyism is not the same thing as capitalism.




It’s a little difficult to discuss the movie in detail without ruining it — and you all are going to want to go see it — but suffice to say that the movie’s commercial message is that LEGO encourages creativity. (Christopher Orr notes that this runs completely contrary to the unfortunate conformity LEGO has been encouraging in recent years with its pre-designed kits.) Throughout the movie, the key characters bravely move around different settings. They begin in restrictive Bricksburg and move to the wild frontier of the “Old West” and other domains. WyldStyle explains that all people were once free to travel, mingle and build as they wanted. But then President Business started controlling everything.President Business himself tells us that he’s so upset with people who mess up his plans that he wants to lock them down exactly as they should be. “Stop building that stuff!” he cries. Later he says, “All I’m asking for is total perfection!” bringing in “micromanagers” to help out.




It was that scene’s call to immanentize the eschaton, by the way, that convinced me the FOX panelists hadn’t seen the film before critiquing it. President Business actually gives a character a choice between fealty to him or “a tea party with your mom and dad.” And the character given that choice is both “Good Cop” and “Bad Cop,” thanks to LEGO head swiveling that has happy faces on the back side of angry faces. But mostly it reminded me of Aleksander Solzhenitsyn’s quote from “The Gulag Archipelago”:“If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?”This is not an anarchist cri de coeur, with the film also rejecting the absence of rules and government itself. In one pivotal scene, Emmet explains how rules help build teamwork, efficiency and the ability to meet objectives.




And then there’s this bit:Inside the cloud was the strangest place Emmet had ever seen. There were swirly buildings and plants that weren’t shaped like anything Emmet had ever seen before. Weird creatures, bizarre robots, and crazy animals were dancing all around, enjoying their bizarre surroundings. Emmet said, taking it all in. “So this is Cloud Cuckoo Land. An adorable unicorn-kitten hybrid bounced over to them. “I am Princess UniKitty, and I welcome you all to Cloud Cuckoo Land!”“I’m just gonna come right out: I have no idea what’s going on or what this place is. Emmet’s eyes were wide with amazement as he looked first at UniKitty, and then at all the other crazy characters and swirly kaleidoscopes whirling around them. “There’s no signs on anything! How does anyone know what not to do?”“Well, we have no rules here. There is no government, no bedtimes, no baby-sitters, no frowny faces, no bushy mustaches, and no negativity of any kind,” explained UniKitty.Wyldstyle put her hands on her hips.




“You just said the word no, like, a thousand times.”UniKitty smiled at her sweetly. “And there’s also NO consistency.”“I hate this place,” Batman moaned.“So do you guys have laws here or building codes or gravity?” Any idea is a good idea,” UniKitty continued. “Except the not-happy ones. Those you push down deep inside where you’ll never, ever, ever, EVER find them” She began to get upset, but then just as quickly went back to her adorable self again.This was such a fantastic critique of modern “tolerance” culture and such a good, if odd, defense of natural law that I had to check if Robby George had helped out on the screenplay. Since I used scare quotes there, I have to mention a favorite line from the movie. President Business responds to Emmet and uses “air quotes.” He goes on to say something like, “Did you see the quotation marks? The quotation marks mean I don’t believe you.” Perhaps journalists will stop scare-quoting those civil libertarians with whom they disagree!




Even though the film is a 100-minute commercial for a business, it’s also an ad for personal responsibility, individual choice, meaningful work, natural constraints, the dignity of the individual and the fight against a government that desires control of the lives of citizens. Its message about heroism being based in creativity, hard work, and resourcefulness — not superpowers — is deeply unifying.Ultimately, though, the movie’s meaning is in taking abstractions about freedom and control and making them deeply personal. See, it’s not just government officials and corporate executives who micromanage and dictate — out of fear or a desire for control. Parents do it, too. As do spouses, girlfriends and boyfriends, friends, neighbors, teachers and everyone else. The profound message of “The Lego Movie” is that we all have a bit of President Business in us, no matter our particular vocation. What makes “The Lego Movie” so poignant is that it helps each of us internalize the importance of celebrating freedom — sure, within constraints — in each of our stations in life.

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