The Burglar 

A burglar had broken into a house late at night, total darkness. He was working his way through the house making no noise when he heard a voice. He stopped and listened for a while and heard nothing. He continued his journey through the rooms looking for the one with all the "goodies" when he heard a voice again. This time he could faintly understand it. The voice said, "I see you and Jesus sees you."

This made the burglar just freeze, and he waited to see what would happen. Nothing, the burglar heard nothing for some time and resumed his search. Just then he heard the voice again, much louder this time, it said, "I see you and Jesus sees you." This was puzzling to the burglar and he was about equally curious and scared, so he began working his way toward the voice. He entered another room and a voice in the room said, "I see you and Jesus sees you."

This scared the hell out of the burglar, and he just stood there motionless for about five minutes and heard no further noises. He then felt around and found a light switch and turned it on. There was a large bird cage with a parrot sitting in it. The parrot looked at the burglar and said, "I see you and Jesus sees you." The burglar just grinned and went to work filling his bag and left the light in the room on. He had his bag about half full when he turned to look at the parrot again, this time he noticed that a Doberman Pincher was lying under the table that the bird cage was on. The parrot stared at the burglar and then said, "Sick him, Jesus."

Study the words and expressions given below:

burglar - взломщик

total - полный; полностью

"goodies" - (слэнг): - от good: «добро» faint - слабый

to freeze - замораживаться, застывать

to resume - возобновлять, приниматься снова search - поиск

to puzzle - ставить в тупик

equal - равный

curious - любопытный

to scare - пугать 

motionless - неподвижный 

switch - выключатель 

parrot - попугай 

to grin - усмехаться, ухмыляться 

for awhile - в течение некоторого времени 

to break into - вломиться 

to work one's way through (toward) - прокладывать путь через (к)

to scare the hell out of smb - чертовски испугать 

to have smth about half full - иметь что-либо наполненным напо¬ ловину 

to feel around - пощупать вокруг 

sick him! - Взять! Фас!