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“They’re making babies down there,” my brother told my mom after walking in on me and a friend fooling around. Little did I know that he was right. That was the day I conceived my first child. I was only 16.
My mother was blasting Al Green like she did every Sunday when she cleaned the house. “No, we weren’t,” I tried to assure her, but I doubt she believed me. I was usually pretty open about my sex life with her. She had known for quite some time that I was sexually active. I probably could’ve just told her the truth, like I had many times before, but this time was different from the rest. This time I did it in her house, and my heart was still racing from the excitement.
You’d think the experience of being a teen mom would make me want to keep all boys at least 10 feet away from my daughter, or at least ban boys from her room. Certainly, I don’t want her to go through what I did as a teen mom. I want her to wait until she’s ready to experience motherhood on her own terms, until she’s lived life for herself at least a little bit.
But I know that trying to keep teens from having sex is impossible. If they want to have sex, they’ll find a way. I know this because I remember being a teen. I remember a dark moonlit bedroom not being a requirement for fooling around. I remember taking advantage of my boyfriend’s parents being at work. I remember the sex in parked cars, the park and garages. And I remember not being the exception — almost all of my friends were having sex.
Banning boys from spending the night wouldn’t have prevented my teen pregnancy. It won’t protect my daughter either. Not from pregnancy, or the other potential consequences of unsafe sex. If my daughter were to engage in unsafe sex with a person of any gender, she could contract an STD or STI. It would be completely irresponsible of me to ignore the possibility that my daughter isn’t heterosexual. If I am worried about boys, I should be equally worried about girls. It’s either no one can spend the night, or everyone can.
That’s the logic I used when I asked my mother at 15 to have a good friend who happened to be male sleep over.
“You realize I could be sleeping with my girlfriends when they spend the night, right?” I remember asking her. I identified as bisexual at the time, and she knew it. But I could tell she had never even considered the possibility that my girlfriends were anything more than friends.
“Well, have you?” she asked. “No, never,” I responded. “Well, if he’s just a friend and you trust him, I’ll trust you.”
My mom trusted me. After that day, she often let me have boys spend the night. Every male friend I had knew what my bedroom looked like. And although it may seem counterintuitive, this is what she did right. She understood and listened. She never judged or punished me for being sexual. She believed me when I told her that a boy was just a friend and nothing sexual would happen if he spent the night. She created an environment where talking about sex was natural.
But despite her trust in me, she also failed me. She never talked to me about safe sex . I don’t know why. Perhaps she intended to but didn’t know how, or maybe she trusted I was getting accurate information somewhere else. She never once mentioned birth control or condoms; she just vaguely mentioned staying safe a few times.
And it’s not that I didn’t know birth control existed; I did. I just didn’t know how to ask for it. Every time I confessed my sexual activity to her, I hoped she would offer to get me the pill, buy me condoms and teach me about safe sex with both girls and boys. I wanted her to teach me how to be assertive and insist protection be used. But she never did.
I won’t fail my daughter the same way. She’ll have my trust and guidance. She already knows about my own experiences and that I could never be mad at her for being sexual. I’ll give her support and information. She can have boys and girls spend the night just like I did as a teen, but unlike me, she’ll have access to condoms, birth control and information about STIs and STDs. The conversation about sex will be ongoing and comprehensive.
I know I can’t stop her from having sex, but at least I can help her stay safe.
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WHO'S THAT GIRL? Melinda Messenger, 51, looks unrecognisable 25 years after Page 3 stardom
TINY DANCER Stacey Dooley reveals she's pregnant with 1st child with Kevin Clifton
BEACH TRAGEDY Woman dies in front of thousands of holidaymakers on packed Cornwall beach
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The lads recorded the romp through a window and shared the video on WhatsApp, where it spread quickly
THIS is the moment two Tesco workers are caught on the job....while on the job.
The frisky pair were in a back office at the superstore where they thought no one would see their illicit romp.
But two young lads, who live near the store, saw “something going on” and filmed on their mobile phones as the woman climbs on the desk.
It’s understood to have happened at a Tesco shop in East Anglia on Saturday evening.
The lads can be hard laughing and joking while they film through the window while the male employee performs a sex act on his female colleague.
One says: “This is at Tesco’s, look what’s going on.”
Later they can be heard saying: “She likes that. She’s going for a pay rise. F****** hell.”
The video spread quickly after it was shared on WhatsApp .
Teen girl 'in tears' as she and 35-year-old fresh-produce manager were escorted off the premises.
A source said: “Two youngsters saw something was going on inside the offices and decided to have a look.
“They reacted as you’d expect teenagers to after seeing something like that.
Another source said: “I was sent the video on a WhatsApp group and couldn’t believe it when I opened it up.
“It’s not a very classy thing to do at your place of work is it?
“Although it’s fair to say the young lady looked like she was having a whale of a time.
“She’ll no doubt be regretting it now they’ve been caught out.”
The video spread quickly after it was shared on WhatsApp.
A source said the pair have now “left” the firm.
A Tesco spokesperson said: “We are taking this issue very seriously and have launched an immediate investigation. ”
Teen girl 'in tears' as she and 35-year-old fresh-produce manager were escorted off the premises.
Melinda Messenger, 51, looks unrecognisable 25 years after Page 3 stardom
Stacey Dooley reveals she's pregnant with 1st child with Kevin Clifton
Woman dies in front of thousands of holidaymakers on packed Cornwall beach
Moment 'gunman' arrested in dramatic raid after Olivia, 9, shot dead in home
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