Story

CHAPTER V

But that was then and this is now. The year is now 20XX, and hope is all but lost. 2 years ago, our one true saviour Jeremy Corbyn was killed just moments prior to a press conference in which he would reveal damning evidence which would have exposed the government for what it truly is: a sham. The nameless, faceless hired guns exposed Corbyn's weak point and attacked at just the right time, but Corbyn was prepared for this, or so he thought…

As the enemy pinpointed then proceeded to strike the weak point on Corbyn's back, little did they know that a layer of protective ceramic armour would be there to greet their blades. Their attacks were useless, for their steel had not been reinforced and, therefore, was not strong enough to destroy ceramic plating!

“Heh...”, Corbyn remarked, pulling a blue-tinted double-ended katana from his beard slowly but surely.

“N-no! It can't be, I thought that thing was a myth!” cried the hitman, but to no avail; Corbyn's blade pierced his jugular like a hot knife through butter. The assassin was not alone, however, as became apparent to Corbyn when no less than 1,000,000 ninjas emerged from the shadows, all wielding swords that looked exactly like Corbyn's except tinted red instead of blue.

“I bet you wish you hadn't abolished the military now, huh?”, asked the ninja ringleader, attempting to bully Jeremy.

“Who needs a military when you've got these?”, Jeremy remarked with an unbelievably wide shit-eating grin, the likes of which could never be matched in a million years, as he proceeded to remove from his shirt pocket 12 syringes filled to the brim with coloured liquid, all arranged according to their colour in order to emulate the appearance of a rainbow (to celebrate the LGBTQIAZOUBDSMGX++ Mk.II movement's success as, the day prior to this, zoophilic couples were finally granted marriage equality). Corbyn then administered every single one of them to himself intravenously (because that way they get into the system in just a matter of seconds, whereas it would take a few minutes if he had chosen to take them intramuscularly, which simply is not an option in a combat situation due to obvious time restraints).

“What is he planning...” thought the ninja leader, as he scratched his chin puzzled as to what Corbyn was up to. Corbyn then let out a mighty roar as he unleashed an incomprehensibly high amount of chi onto the surrounding area, like a field-of-effect attack from hit MMORPG grind-fest World of Warcraft or bone-crushingly difficult action-RPG Dark Souls.

“Hnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!” Corbyn strained as he vaporised the army of honourable shinobi warriors. “I can't take the chi! It's too much!” he cried out, however nothing could stop his FOE attack now, for the flood gates had already been opened and there was no turning back. Nobody survived the explosion. Corbyn had sacrificed himself for the proud nation that is Neo-Pakistan and yet only one single document of evidence survived the energy blast, and I was the one who found it…