story--

this all happened when i was 5 yr old at that time, my biological dad passed away, and finally we (my mom and I) went home to our grandparents in Bandung (before we lived in tasikmalaya) it's been yrs mom struggling alone to support her family that is me, also grandparents then my mother's sister too, mama is the one who always cooks food for us after shes tired bc she come home from work from 7 to 4 pm, mama used to always come home briefly at 1pm to pray and rest a while, like that. then mom went to work again and always came home at 4 pm, and at that time mom didn't immediately take a break, mom always cooked food, so that i could eat that afternoon any time, after many years, i arrived in 2nd grade, at that time, for some reason I also still dont understand suddenly a man came to our house to propose to my mom, after some conversation for a long time they accepted that then my mom and stepfather js got married, then after they get married, this is a bad thing, things that trouble mom always happen all the time, like my stepfather always brought his friends and cockfighting, and it always happens, so the ppl in my village start to know too bc it's done openly, what made them dislike my mom, they just disliked my mom, they blamed my mother, they said that my mom's fault, they rlly antagonized my mom and even the citizens of my family too, those were very troublesome, sad, sickening times and rlly we rlly don't wanna feel anymore, everyone blamed my mom, even my religion teacher also hated my mom at that time, especially my neighbors who saw that closely, I don't wanna, I don't wanna remember that again, mama was rlly rlly devastated, rlly hurt. after so many years where I was in 6th grade, me and my mom and stepfather made a house near my grandmother's house, and we js moved, various plans have taken place, such as mom starting to work at home and not at her boss's place, and it's still the same, mom works from 7 to 4, even now I still see mom working late into the night, it's not like it used to be, and I'm still never familiar with my stepfather even though we've been living together since 5 years, we never even talked to each other, it felt very foreign as well as not my dad, it felt the same as I didn't have a das, he only came to bring disaster to our lives, and it came when I entered 1 junior high school... it was done secretly and I js kept quiet and always accompanied them on the phone until 2 at night, and it happens every time my stepfather doesn't come home (because he is an office worker so sometimes he comes home and works overtime so he doesn't come home for how many days, ) it always happens, until 2022, where I'm in 2nd grade who will enter 3rd grade of junior high school, in june, evrth was already messy, my mom already hated papa because he wasn't a good husband, who doesn't care abt his family's health, rlly horrible, and indeed the reality is like that, at that time, my mom and stepfather were divorced, that is, they were divorced but still not resolved just like that, the house that I live in must be paid to my stepfather, dyk how much the house we live in? 50 million. u think 50 million is not a lil'? mama? who live alone w me? that only the two of us have to bear that much debt and no one even helps my mom? this is all mama do for my happiness and survival, we can just move to a smaller house and live a simple life there, but mama instead chose to stay in the old house, for my sake, and struggled for yrs alone to pay off that debt, bc my stepfather was divorced, then he also often came to our house, and it was still hidden, still no one knows other than my self, not even my grandparents let alone my mom's younger sibling don't know, only I know that, so after many months, idk why time has passed so quickly, I myself can see that change, I'm an introvert, since 2022 I often stay silent in my room, no matter what happens, I'm rlly scared of people and it's hard to socialize too, and being a pro-overthinker too, I can't be as free as other ppl in saying smth, even at school I never took off my mask, from when I was in grade 1 of junior high school to grade 3 of junior high school, basically a lot of changes have happened, I myself didn't expect it bc what I always do is stay in my room, rot myself with 24-hour internet, and yes, my mom's bf also often comes to our house, and everyone, even our neighbors and relatives, already know that, "mama's bf" everyone understands this, I am very confused why this could happen, but I'm also a little relieved, but I'm also very annoyed, I myself don't know why I was disturbed, the point is that even time has passed just like that, I'm used to my mother's mistresses always coming at night and accompanying my mom to work, and it can be up to 22 at night, ofc I still don't sleep bc I'm already comfortable w my internet world, and when all that happened a long time ago, what accompanied me was only the internet, evrth, I could only surf the internet until I never even tried to touch the grass, so I rlly lost everything. confidence, social skills and everything, everything just disappeared, The joy I used to have is no longer there- ...