One

This fucking hurts.

I did this all to myself and I could see it coming, but it still fucking hurts. I am trying really hard to just feel the pain and not judge it or try and squash it, but it's really hard. I'm also trying as hard as I can not to attack or try to show her how much she has hurt me. She does not see it the same as me. Her pain is enormous as well, and hers has been around longer and she has made a home and a self story in that pain....and this new aspect of the pain is absorbed into that greater pain and everything is seen through that lens. I have rarely been able to get through that pain, really only ever surfing it and acknowledging it and not trying to show anything outside of it....so now is no different.

I don't think it's over. She may be willfully deluding herself right now, and that may continue until life straightens out and we get back to some kind of normal, but I think she is not finished. I feel like she's been pushed too far and that there will be more pain to come.