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It is fair to hate me now. During this time I did nothing but dwell in the past thinking about how many times I have lied to you. And I also know there is no way of rebuilding the trust. There is one misconception I want to clear. When you say that you were in my life "just to make me feel good and not lonely", that was never the case. I didn't have guts to say no to Priya at that time because I was afraid of jeopardize my business. Lately, when I understood that there is no way of holding it back, I permanently stopped talking to her. And just for a note, I wasn't dating her or didn't have any intention to do so. Earlier when Etherbit was booming because of Kshitij Marine's (Priya's dad's business) one time help, I essentially killed that too. But I thought in a long run, I will have time to explain it to you when you start taking interest in my business. Giving you access to all my accounts because I didn't care. We had share everything to that point. Whenever I had to talk to a girl after being with you, was because of my professional career most of the time. I didn't meet/greet/chat with any woman after that point. Not even friendship. I know what have you been through and trust is at most important to you and I wanted to keep it that way that you always be in your comfort zone. Whenever you used to come and meet me, there was a fear of your family on your face. I couldn't help but notice it most of the time we met. I knew it for sure that if you come to know about my problems, you will come running to me. And it happened. You came to meet me with flowers, balloons and pastry with a card. I told you so many times don't do it. Not because I don't want it, it was because I didn't want you to be in any trouble or tension. You were the only person in my life who game me flowers, a note and balloons. I am never going forget it. It was like my birthday. The way I was exposed to responsibilities even when I wasn't ready, I made a lot of mistakes. There was no one with me who could have supported me or guided me. When you came, I was at peace because you were there for me, just like I wanted my dad to be there for me. Shouting on me and getting angry whenever something goes wrong, I had no idea how much I am going to miss this later. Same feeling I had when my dad left me, and the exact same I am feeling after you left me. But knowing that you leaving me is my fault, I am blaming myself and everyone in my life for that. I wish I had more time to share and open up with you. I realise now that after 7th March, I became a liar because I didn’t want to lose one more person from my life. I was ready to do everything to make sure it doesn't happen. Starting with small lies, I didn't know when I started to play with the truth all the time. But it is fair. Karma is a bitch. I got what I deserved. You can't say the same because your karma paid you well by removing a person like me from your life. A few weeks maybe, and you will realise it. I wish whenever you overlooked at my lies, I could have confronted you. Introducing you to my mother was the most beautiful thing I have ever done in our relationship. She adores you and after I confronted her, she understood why you had to leave. You remember the time when I explained you how we had different up bringing, it was real, and it is real. Learning one thing from all of this. Instead of holding something firmly and lying to keep it with myself, I am learning to let it go. I don't have to hold it back anymore. You taught me good lessons after all. I was running blindly after money because we had none, but all my efforts for it look so mundane now. I wish that day, I hadn't replied her and would have tried to explain you what I am going through. I wish I could have confronted the moment you asked. The only difference I am going to make this time is, sharing my mistakes with my remaining friends. I want them to look at me with disgust, the same way you look at me now. I am again back to square one. Mentally, physically, monetarily broke. I wish instead of running blind after everything, I could have appreciated what I had at that very moment. It feels like there is nothing left for me to lose now. But I am taking only good memories with me ahead. All the beautiful memories we made, and it seems now when I close my eyes at night, I am living a dream life with you. My heart smiles at night after I close my eyes and see you there. I lost myself and uttered a lot of nonsense. I wish you a good life ahead. Your karma will keep you away from people like me. One day, someone honest and perfect with no life problems will find you. And it is like a dream for a guy life me to be that guy. I have given enough pain to people so I am going to be alone and single. Do meditation Shreya. It is good. I cry hard after I do it now. It keeps me composed now. Maybe it will help you too. Also, play with small babies. I play with Googli every alternative day. I take him to walk and play with him. He smiles at me and that melts me. It is so strange that I am now trying to find your smile in every smile I see. :)