Me

i started off happy, undercover happy .... Until it cam the day to come out that im happy , but to find out my lover was scared to be seen with me .its been 8 years holding on . but its hard he lies he cheats but imm worse because i let it be knowning im suppose to have better ,,,, i found myself crying in public ( CLUB PUBLIC ) and its hard but to him it was so easy to walk alway like it was a job it cam so so smoove an easy no worries ... but idk if its kamra for how i was when i was younger or im just that dumb girl who let people use her ?! i dont wanna cry i want to be happy but iguess beimg happy aint for me ... i wonder if guy is mad at me . like did i do something wrong im always the one crying looking for a answer just any sign . but heyy im smart have wonder god job and im beyond loyal so what else is there for me to do , i pray i scream i cry i believe , i just need some type of sign that i be okay .. but whats okay ??? when nothing never is okay ? whats love if it hurts every single time . how do you be loyal when things keeps pushing you down and its hard o breathe how do you be happy when the sun never comes out in your favor only to burn ..