Marriage

Dear Daniel,

I have been in love with your for seven months, maybe even longer than that. Everyday I love you more and more, even on the days I'm frustrated with you or far away from you. At times you think I've become disenchanted with you, but on those occasions I'm not disenchanted with you but rather I'm disenchanted with the world. You've been in London for awhile, and that distance isn't helping the fact that you don't think I love you as much as I used to...

I do.

I promise, I do.

You've talked about wanting to marry me before. You've said it many times, but you've mostly said it in moments of happiness. You've said it when we're together, and when we're close and the world seems smaller than us. But now you say it while we are far. You've asked me to marry you nearly every day of winter break, and I don't know how to respond. Asking me to marry you will not bring us closer while you're thousands of miles away. It will not fix that you think I'm becoming disenchanted, it will only put me in a situation where I can't respond. I will not tell you that I will marry you. Maybe someday I will, but not anytime soon. I love you, but I can't do that to myself. Being engaged at ages fifteen and sixteen will only make us crazy.

It's terrifying.

Marriage is terrifying.

I can't help but think that you're trying to fill the gap between us with a proposal, but I just think that a proposal will stretch the gap our farther.

I have some rules for my life.

• I will only move in with a romantic partner after getting engaged.
• I will only get engaged with a romantic partner after being together for three years.

A few days ago I asked you what I could do to make you feel like I'm not becoming disenchanted, and you said I should ask you to marry me.

I love you, but I will not ask you to marry me unless we're in our twenties and we've been together for a long time and our life plans align.

I'm sorry.